Learning How to Fall Than to Fly

Hi, I am Suraj Kumar. I am 23 years old. I am an IIT Delhi graduate. In future I would like to work in Public Policy and Economics in future.  For more info about me, visit my page at www.thinkingonindia.in/suraj-kumar

This article mainly presents story of my struggle with my stammering. This article covers the period of my life since birth to Oct/Nov 2015. This article will not explain about the cure of stammering or how to manage it but rather through my story, I will try to explain how the other areas of your life affect your stammering. And Secondly, this article is about my fall which passes through several phases such as from being a mild stammerer to fluent stammerer and then finally to a severe stammerer. SO BEWARE! :)

In Future, I will write on my life since Oct/Nov 2015

Reaction what people gives when we stammer

There are some common reaction what people use to give when we stammer,like they smile, laugh ,mimic,avoid ,become serious or avoid eye contact.
Now a days i am facing last reaction mean people around me avoiding eye contact when i stammer, like my brother,friends ,my seniors etc.
some time i told people to make eye contact but it is very hard to educate all the people all the time . when they avoid eye contact i use to feel low and pathetic about me,
i think people does not want to make us uncomfortable that why they avoid eye contact so started thinking other way, like when they look around i thanks them for being so kind towards me and it helps me to feel good.
and at same time i also try to find suitable time to educate people about this :-)

Bangalore SHG's new Dawn Continues..

After a successful and spirited last week SHG meet, we a total of 10 people joined again with few new faces & few missing faces. The meet started again with introduction and various questions which were shot at the introducer.

As the meeting started, atmosphere was more jovial compared to the last meeting. Last meeting was bit serious. This one was filled with laughter. Everyone was in a relaxed mood and let their lighter side take over.

The engineering guy who lost the hope of making in the interview (Read Last SHG Meet here) was ecstatic that he was placed. He went with the attitude of not getting selected and when asked about the stammering; he told "I have this problem and if you have to hire me.. you have to accept me like this :P". Well, the attitude worked for him. This was followed by my intro. Dinesh put sound absorber in my ears and asked me to speak. It seems I spoke with less stammering.. I dono that.

Dinesh's Experience: 

Then, It was time for Dinesh to share his experience. Well, here is little bit about him. He is born and brought up in Bangalore after his parents migrated to Bangalore from Haryana. As far he remember He had chicken fox and after that in the 8th class he had troubled reading the chapter and it continued then. He used to bunk first 2 weeks of college to skip the introduction, also during office he used to skip client visits.. He heard in an interview that Sidhu also used to be timid and never used to talk. Sidhu read Vivekananda books and somehow he became an awesome speaker. It encouraged Dinesh.. He also did the same, read the books but nothing drastically happened; until he decided to change himself and focus only on positive things. Instead of running away from the prob. he decided to face it head-on and that he defined as his turning point. He started reading a lot of book; from a non-reader he became an avid reader. He improved himself technically, organized himself, maintained his integrity and kept his commitment. In his words this are the fundamental principle of life and above all "Appreciate your life".

After intro. Dinesh stressed on the importance on being on time and we should be very serious towards the cause we are meeting for. Dinesh also explained about the vicious cycle of the stammering.

It takes only a stress to move from down level to up-level and a jovial & happy moment to move the way down while working & accepting the stammering.

Then, group reading was performed. This was one of the experiments that we tried. Dinesh randomly called upon 5 members on the dais and asked them to read together in sync. As expected, everyone was very fluent without a single mistake. He reduced the group to 3 and repeated same. Same results. Then further only one person stand and read. The problem started !! :-) So, the question arrived "Why is it that we do not stammer in group reading". Majority answered that "Someone else will make-up if they failed" but Dinesh responded "But no one failed??" !! :-) Here we discussed that as there was no FEAR OF FAILURE. Hence we did not fail.

Further individual reading was carried out one-by-one.

After this, Dinesh shared the holistic approach which he followed to improve myself. Briefly put, we stagnate everything else in our life thinking only about stammering. We should as an individual try to improve in every other aspect of our life, work, studies, sports, relationships etc..

After this we had a rocking performance by Karthik.

http://www.t-tisa.blogspot.in/2012/03/why-this-kolaveri-di.html

Few others also dabbled with their singing skills. We wound up for the day with smiles on everyone’s face..

Members: Dinesh, Manoj, Alok, Jitu, Karthik, Chandhan, Sairam, Chandrashekar, Tanoy, Anub


Writeup By:
Dinesh and Tanoy

Lets Control Dopamine

some day back i was watching a recording of programme telecasted on CNN ,they were saying " stuttering is a neuorological condition".so there may be chances that scientist can develop some kind of medicine or pill to control/cure stammering .

their dr macguire says that stammering is not due to physcological weakness but due to anomatical problem in brain which is miscommunication between brain, speech center, mouth, thought and tongue in getting word out.

ganglia is part of brain which controls the speech .there are some other parts of brain which tell us what we want to say ,formation of word and finaly a part of brain which initiate speech we call this part as striatal.....after some test they conculed in pws striatal is bombarded by to much of dopamine(may be this the reason for stammering) and level of dopamine is directly realted with our thought, anxiety etc etc. ....

macguire and other researcher believe some anti anxiety medicine can control stammering by controling dopamin and they claim this medicine has no side effect(forgot the name of medicine) but they are still doing clinical trail...(dont want comment about side effect of medicine, accoding to me their may be some side effect which may come on picture latter )

one pws said that he experienced free flow of thought that he never before

so in shot controlling dopamin level can control our sammering but is anti anxiety pil is only way to controll dopamine..surly not, one can controll his anxiety by many way like boldly facing facing fear situation(fatest way) or by controlling thoughts which causes anxiety by practing meditation, (according to me controlling anxiety is just one benefit of meditation)

i used big word of medical science just to impress readers :-)

POST DELHI WORKSHOP

I had attended workshop organized by TISA at delhi where we got sticker that we have stick on our cloths , "haklao magar pyar se" was printed on sticker.
on last day of workshop when i was returning to home ,i decided not to put off sticker till i reached home... after reaching home i pasted that sticker in fornt door ,at that time i have no idea why iam doing so.. but fortunetly this thing helped me lot ...people who come to meet us(me, brother n friends we live toghter) ask why we pasted this sticker...and i or my friend tell him about tisa and my problem..after this i do not try to hide my self from them....in brief workshop helps us both way directly or indirectly


today i am leaving delhi to attend nation conference at bhubneshware..so wishing TISA family in advance

HAPPY NEW YEAR...may this new year bring true knowledge in our life

trip to Mathura

Last Saturday I was in Mathura to attend friend’s sister marriage, their I met with a young 15 year old boy ,he was stammering .I asked my friend to arrange a formal meeting with that boy (he is cousin of my friend).

My friend introduced us...then i asked some question like …..r u stammering since birth, how do u feel about this ,how this stared ,do u fell fear in class etc etc……..he told me that he is stammering since childhood and his stammering stared due to reaction of medicine during sever illness .he feel fear in class room but he continuously saying that he have no problem with stammering but i notice he is substituting words & avoiding some names etc.

I told him that i also stammer & people use to make fun of me & lived a bad school life but now got help from a doctor and stammer less...now he started taking interest in our conversation but not asking any question..

He is in ninth' std ,naive & from interior village of mathura. i was bit confused how to start like should i tell him bouncing ,prolongation or about acceptance.......i knew that follow up of technique or concept is nearly impossible so told him that he is not alone there are many pws like him & he has to fight with his fear & gave some example how he can fight with his fear also advised him to speak slowly and practice of slow speaking .

At last I assured him he should feel free to call me any time …..Next day we visited some holy temple of mathura ,barsana....then back to delhi

MY PAST ONE YEAR WITH VIPASSANA MEDITATION

Last year when I was in herbutput ,saw video of a young boy(15/16 year old) saying he has done vipassana meditation course, and got benefit from it and advised other pws to do same.
At that time I was not much aware about VIPASSANA meditation and thought it will do some magical thing to attain fluency, at that time my approach toward recovery is only fluency, so i decided to learn this meditation and registered myself in September last.
before going to camp i had done some googling about it, i came to know about its regress schedule where one have to wake up at 4 am, and meditate for 10 hours and no meal after 5 pm....but course and day schedule is so well designed that no one feel any difficulty..really
what we do their is available in internet so no need to discuss , i just want to share how it helps me to reduce my mental pain,

By practicing meditation one can control his thought and develop control to think about only present moment, no thinking about past or future, and every pws understand that is main thing what he want to attain …...he/i use to do operation of my mind for hours after stammering like what went wrong etc etc , now when i stammer i just try to remain in that moment(and i practiced it through meditation) as a result my recovering time from that pain become very less,

according to gautam bhudda if u observe any of ur body sensation objectively ,it settles down... same happens while stammering. when we stammer our body react accordingly and produce different sensation over different part of body and we can control it and its after effect just by observing sensations
there are many theories which explain how our subconscious mind stores all our habits and how we can do deep operation of it to pull out all bad habits/memory. but explaining all this to non meditater is like giving sex education to a kid . this is something which one can’t understand just by reading, one must to practice mediation and experience all

To learn VIPASSANA MEDITATION one have to attend its 10 day course.....but this is not sufficient and he has to practice it at least for 6 month continuously....

believe me …relief from stammering pain is only .001% part of its benefits.... VIPASSANA is much higher technique , these all are by product of it

What all i had written is purely based on my experience.

i have much more thing to tell but and will keep writing about meditation and its relation with stammering

YOU CAN HELP OTHERS IF PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT YOUR STUTTERING

A good day to you dear friends.

Today while conversing with my office colleague’s one of them cornered me and asked a question. He was quite careful in his approach as it seemed it might trigger some uneasiness in me, his 2 year old baby who started speaking very early and speak single alphabets or words brilliantly is finding it difficult to speak on the first syllable of word of a sentence. He is taking more time and using fillers like ummm ahhhh while speaking the first word of the sentence. So he wanted me to advice him how he can help his child. I advised him not to worry as mostly all children’s start stuttering initially. Most of them recover themselves without any professional and parental help when there speech motor matured fully and some need professional help like SLP and parent guidance to come out of it and the remaining like me stutter till their adulthood and it remains all their life. With some more suggestions, I mailed him a book named “The Child who stutters – To the pediatrician” that is available on TISA book archival. He thanked me in return I hope and pray to god that his child will come out of it.

Similarly an another incidence.. a few weeks ago I have been transferred in another department, although my new boss is a happy kind of person.. but he is tall, has good personality and he speak so fast (and all these traits interrupt my speech even more..dont know why..:( )..on our first interaction I stutter a lot while matching his fast speech..it was really embarrassing for me to have a horrible first interaction ..after that I was repeatedly thinking about that incident and all the times thinking about that incident pissed me off, it changes my behavior at home and office and I was gone into depression because for next 3 to 4 meetings I stutter severally with the new boss. I thought it will be better not to complicate it more, I told my boss .. I have a speech problem and with you i stutter even more because of your fast speech… sorry I can’t help it..he admit too that he speak very fast as he himself told by his friends..he told that he had a colleague who also stutter too..and he advice me to speak slowly…and told me my stuttering is not an issue for him..I still stutter with him but without any inner fear.

I have many more such experiences but the crux of all is same…may be exposing your stutter can help guide/make the life of many kids who just start stuttering.

I hope some of you guys must have also experienced similar situations. Share them on blog and encourage others to not hide from stuttering.

Thanks you for reading it..God bless you all my friends.
Best Regards
Kishore Bisht

Surgery

Don’t be confused. This is not a write up telling surgery is a solution for stammering, but a write up about the hernia surgery I had to undergo recently, 13-Jan-2011 to be exact. When I contacted Dr. Sachin to tell him about the surgery, he told me to write something inspirational after the recovery. I was wondering how to write something which would inspire the PWS. Later I could realize that surgery was something which I didn’t want to happen in my life, but had to undergo. Similarly stammering is also something which we do not want, but have to tackle. So, in the end, I though of writing how I decided to face the surgery.

Some times back, I had read the book 'The new earth' by Eckhart Tolle, again on the recommendation of Dr. Sachin. Incidentally, I also happened to see a write up on 'The power of now' in the TISA blog, which is another book written by Tolle. Some of the points of his book were in my mind, as I had completed the book only a few days before I decided to go for the surgery.

One of the points was "A situation you find yourself in may have something to do with it. Action may be required to change the situation or remove yourself from it. If there is nothing you can do, face what is and say, “Well, right now, this is how it is. I can either accept it, or make myself miserable.”"

I was diagnosed with Hernia around two years back and the surgeon told me not to go for the surgery at that time as it was not troubling me, though I might have to undergo it at a later point of time.

I was scared of surgery especially general anesthesia. So I decided to do something for it and face the situation based on its outcome. I searched the net and read the experiences of some people who got it healed without surgery. They had formed a mailing group to discuss about the hernia healing without surgery. I joined the group and did some of the exercises suggested by them. It was not of much use and I realized that the hernia had progressed much, though it was not causing any pain.

I again consulted the doctor and he told that I could go for the surgery if I wanted. Hence I decided to find a doctor who would do the surgery under local or regional anesthesia as I was scared of general anesthesia. Finally I found one and decided to go for it.

When it comes to stammering, I think, we should do whatever we can to improve the communication skill and accept the outcomes as they are.

Another point of the book which had struck me was " Nonresistance, nonjudgment, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living. When you become aware of the transience of all forms, your attachment to them lessens, and you disidentify from them to some extent."

Previously I was resisting the idea of undergoing the surgery. I decided to change it and accepted it as a necessity. I think a PWS should also remove the resistance to stammering from his mind and accept it as a part of his life.

Then, I decided not to judge the situation as good or bad. Every situation has a reason and I decided to accept it as it is. Again most of the PWS brood over their issue and think that it is bad. If we can remove this mentality and accept it as it is, I think, it would be really useful.

The last point of nonattachment is about the transient nature of events. Nothing is permanent and every situation will change. Hence we should not get attached to anything; in this case it translates to thinking much about the result of the surgery. I think, for a PWS, if he can think less about stammering and concentrate on what he wants to do if the stammering was cured, it will make a big difference.

With these points I faced the surgery calmly and now I am recovered. Am I able to do the same with stammering? Not completely, but I am doing my best to move on that path!