Surgery

Don’t be confused. This is not a write up telling surgery is a solution for stammering, but a write up about the hernia surgery I had to undergo recently, 13-Jan-2011 to be exact. When I contacted Dr. Sachin to tell him about the surgery, he told me to write something inspirational after the recovery. I was wondering how to write something which would inspire the PWS. Later I could realize that surgery was something which I didn’t want to happen in my life, but had to undergo. Similarly stammering is also something which we do not want, but have to tackle. So, in the end, I though of writing how I decided to face the surgery.

Some times back, I had read the book 'The new earth' by Eckhart Tolle, again on the recommendation of Dr. Sachin. Incidentally, I also happened to see a write up on 'The power of now' in the TISA blog, which is another book written by Tolle. Some of the points of his book were in my mind, as I had completed the book only a few days before I decided to go for the surgery.

One of the points was "A situation you find yourself in may have something to do with it. Action may be required to change the situation or remove yourself from it. If there is nothing you can do, face what is and say, “Well, right now, this is how it is. I can either accept it, or make myself miserable.”"

I was diagnosed with Hernia around two years back and the surgeon told me not to go for the surgery at that time as it was not troubling me, though I might have to undergo it at a later point of time.

I was scared of surgery especially general anesthesia. So I decided to do something for it and face the situation based on its outcome. I searched the net and read the experiences of some people who got it healed without surgery. They had formed a mailing group to discuss about the hernia healing without surgery. I joined the group and did some of the exercises suggested by them. It was not of much use and I realized that the hernia had progressed much, though it was not causing any pain.

I again consulted the doctor and he told that I could go for the surgery if I wanted. Hence I decided to find a doctor who would do the surgery under local or regional anesthesia as I was scared of general anesthesia. Finally I found one and decided to go for it.

When it comes to stammering, I think, we should do whatever we can to improve the communication skill and accept the outcomes as they are.

Another point of the book which had struck me was " Nonresistance, nonjudgment, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living. When you become aware of the transience of all forms, your attachment to them lessens, and you disidentify from them to some extent."

Previously I was resisting the idea of undergoing the surgery. I decided to change it and accepted it as a necessity. I think a PWS should also remove the resistance to stammering from his mind and accept it as a part of his life.

Then, I decided not to judge the situation as good or bad. Every situation has a reason and I decided to accept it as it is. Again most of the PWS brood over their issue and think that it is bad. If we can remove this mentality and accept it as it is, I think, it would be really useful.

The last point of nonattachment is about the transient nature of events. Nothing is permanent and every situation will change. Hence we should not get attached to anything; in this case it translates to thinking much about the result of the surgery. I think, for a PWS, if he can think less about stammering and concentrate on what he wants to do if the stammering was cured, it will make a big difference.

With these points I faced the surgery calmly and now I am recovered. Am I able to do the same with stammering? Not completely, but I am doing my best to move on that path!

Power of NOW!!

Trying to solve this great mystery/puzzle of stammering has been such an enriching and exciting experience for me! A few of my thoughts and beliefs that once i was holding on to so strongly and which I thought will help me to "GET OVER" it, seem to change constantly for the good!
One of the most impactfull thing for me has been listening to Eckhart Tolle ( All thanks to Dr Sachin for sharing a lot of videos of Eckhart Tolle with me when I was working with him in Dehradun. ) Eckhart Tolle speaks about only one thing - NOW, and in his own words - "Its a miracle that I can speak so much about something that can't be spoken about!" :-).

Now first time when Sachin gave me these videos, I was skeptical about spending my time on something like this as logically there seem to be no relation of these video tapes with "cure" of my stammering. (I preferred to spend my time on Day dreaming! ). I am amazed at the power of our minds and in how many ways can it trick it! (Most of us are not as smart as our mind :-)

But as I see NOW, nothing has helped me to progress forward, more than being aware and present in the NOW! Just by being present in the NOW, I can see the madness and the good things going around me! I can see how I was just running away from a lot of things only because they were not easier to acknowledge, face and solve! Instead I chose to spend my time on facing and solving only those problems that were easier to solve, even if solving( or not solving) them didn't make any difference! I can also see how i feel, act, react in a particular moment and a lot of times can correct it! ( Quite strangely, I observed that most of the times I was carrying a feeling of frustration and Anger, And hence was inviting more of these things ). Even it has helped me to explore how i feel when i get struck!

As I see now, I was not a good problem solver (Getting over stammering mindset is to me nothing but problem solving!) because I was NOT aware about the now and hence was not able to see the REAL things that were stopping my progress!

One of the most important thing stopping me from moving forward was- blaming others including my father for how my life has been! I read a lot of times about - "You are responsible for your own life! " and blah blah...And I agreed with it but then too I was not moving forward! Quite strange!! hmmmm...The reason is even though I agreed in my mind but I NEVER FELT it. I NEVER FELT that I was responsible for whatever way my life has gone till now and its a result of all the choices that I have made till now! Now unless i felt it, I was not changing!

Another thing was waiting for motivation/inspiration! As I see now, you can even create a lot of things (including motivation/inspiration) if they are not there, just by taking ACTION!

Now looking back I laugh sometimes when I see that I was running around watching good speakers/debates on TV, learning new techniques when I knew at the back of mind that it was something else that is causing all the pain but never had the courage to face it!

What has been the most impactfull thing/event in your journey? Have you been solving the correct puzzle or are you running away from something ?