June 24, 2013

In response to Ashish Agarwal’s  request …
   As far as  my  memory goes I have been friends with  stutter  since I was 6 years old..i  can not pinpoint the time or the situation when I started my companionship with my stutter..wish I could..wish I had known the exact trigger of my stutter, it’s been shadowing me all these years..The shadow  changes its length ..intensity..size..every moment ..yes sometimes it  vaporizes..perhaps it needs its occasional  breaks too ..:) But then back it comes.. after a gulp of fresh air or two and robs and chokes me of my share of air ....again…and again…!!!

School Time :
·         School till 11th was a like a torture zone..specially the attendance..i use to shiver,,hallucinate..feel dizzy..scared..before that session..i hated that part of my schooling..THE ATTENDENCE..
·         I developed this trick eventually to evade attendance answering… I used to stand outside the class before attendance ..used to wait for my name being called ..used to walk in after that so that the teacher would see me and mark me absent ..sadly as a result  I started getting punishment for coming in late..but that seemed better than the roll call..
·         Teachers would consider me someone with a low IQ ..a misfit in the class..as I would just stand like a statue when asked to read out..i would feel dizzy..noises of other students amplified in my ears..hurting my ears..words  suddenly become unreadable..voice lost..alphabets  would start changing shapes.. Hallucination would creep in…followed by  humiliation either in a subtle or a on the  face manner from my fellow students …
·         12th brought out  a different side in me….i somehow started to understand my stammer..and how it  got triggered..i  could feel anxiety would make my stutter worse ..once  while roll call was on..i started singing to myself..Talking to others..Consciously trying to block my brain from giving much importance to the roll call session…and then suddenly I hear my name being called..and  I in response I just say..”Present Mam”…in the perfect voice..perfect octave..
·         Alas the trick did not work all the days..but worked 80 % of the time..a leap from 1 % to  80 % strike rate was huge..
One thing was clear…anxiety..was the trigger and fuel ..of my stutter..i tried to control it..but the moment I tried to control..it became a conscious effort..and made me more anxious..it became a infinite loop..and I would be back to stutter again..
College : Same scenario ..Stuttering graduated with me …J
Worklife : Was a complete turn  around..the first salary..responsibility ..power..own byke..new love..friends..parties..adventures..  made me forget that I stutter..not that id didnt.. I didn’t have time to notice it..i was running high on testosterone and low on time to even think of my stutter J
Though I also had few sad experiences at interviews..have  made a story out of it…  http://bluekitedreamz.blogspot.in/2009/01/speechless.html

I started reading a lot..Books of all genres..even the contents of recycled newpaper paper bags didn’t escape me..:)Vocabulary increased…
 Gradually I started tricking my speech..Juggling with words..and phrases..Substitution..i started slow..still gaining on it and using it to my advantage..
I still have days when  nothing works..but then I am not angry ..i also do not get angry at others who do not understand  my speech fault..i am working only on my anxiety ..and adding layers to my personality..which act like floaters to me when in rough sea of stuttering.. gives me confidence..
I do not propose my trick to anyone else..but it works fine with me. Today I have become opposite of what I used to be..and its been hard work....today I love to talk..Take the lead while speaking…I stutter or not doesn’t matter much..
I am awaiting your comments and questions..i also know I would be termed as covert stutter..but I would address that in my next post…..


12 comments:

sachin said...

Aha- I have been wondering: when is this guy going to graduate from comments to a post?? and you have done it! Great job! Thanks!

Joy deep Majumder said...

:)please also comment on my post..

Priya said...

whenever i read about "Roll Calls", "College Days" and similar issues here at TISA....I wonder why was i unaware of TISA at that point of time, for the positivity that I have gained upon the realization that I am not the "ONLY ONE"...is just amazing...
I would have had a different life to share in that case..!!
Nevertheless, Stammering is the most important thing that has infulenced me as a person....and yes to my surprise..it has only made me better...I accepted it off-late...but i am glad that I finally could do it..!! :)
well written JOY....!! keep the good work up..!!

Joy deep Majumder said...

@Priya :"Stammering is the most important thing that has influenced me as a person....and yes to my surprise..it has only made me better..."

I am very happy to know that you are one of those few heroes who say that Stutter has influenced your life but has also made you a better person..this acknowledgement is a far cry from those of us who continue to cry about it..or are perpetually outraged about it.

Way to go Lady :)..

Yes TISA has been a great inspiring discovery for many ..including me..

sachin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Manimaran said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joy deep Majumder said...

I agree Sir !!

Manimaran said...

To my opinion all the problems faced by stammerers including during schooling days are due to TOTAL absence of awareness about stammering among general public including teachers. When the stammerers grownup to teens, it is fault of them also as instead of changing their mind set towards stammering, they are working towards fluency (of course unknowingly)by adopting unproven methods (whoever gave advice) and failing miserably. I think spreading awareness about stammering among general public as well as among stammerers is more important than working towards fluency.

Joy deep Majumder said...

@Manimaran Sir : i totally agree with your point ..in fact i have plans to go back to my school and speak to the principals and teachers and make them aware of the problem faced by a stuttering child..and how they should react to them..so that the current generation does not go through the same ordeal..

Manimaran said...

Very good move Joy. If everybody do like this, it will be a great help to the future generation. I am also having such plans for Chennai schools. All the best to this useful venture and I request others may also follow this idea.

sachin said...

I agree Joy-but let me say-many of us find a discussion in person so much more fun-I hope we will all meet In NC this year...
(in my last comment, I dont know how NC became McDonalds! I think some bug in my tablet was suggesting that McDonalds is a better place for National conference? with everyone ordering the forbidden dishes? :))

Joy deep Majumder said...

@Sachin.i think deep down inside you are craving for Mc Donalds..:)

I was enjoying imagining the conference @ McD..but then you had to cancel the venue..:)