Life of a covert stammer

My name is uuu Umesh Rawat and I am a covert stammerer. A covert stammer is who can hide his stammer very well by easy replacing words and by with some other techniques(coughing, i just forgot hmmm..) . But at sometime, all of his techniques failed and he caught red handed. And this is most embarrassing movement for him. Since childhood, I also hide my stammering from everyone as possible I can do. Even my family members don’t know about this (as I think, except my mom). But sometime when I stuck badly in some situations, I found myself helpless. I shocked badly like as by electric current and my memory erased. I don’t realize where I am standing and on what content I was talking? This was my previous life around one year ago. I seemed happy to people and they thought I am a good listener with shy personality. There was big difference in my inner and outer thoughts. I was completely a different person in my inner. I always fight with my own words. This word is right, this is wrong. There was never a peace inside myself. I always tried not to stutter at any cost. Being "covert" is

• Having excessive fear of being perceived by others to have a difference in the way they speak
• Constantly fearing their "stuttering secret" being uncovered
• Feeling guilty for making the listener feel uncomfortable because of their stuttering
• Denying stuttering or the need to work on it
• Feeling shame, devaluating oneself, or fostering the need to hide stuttering

After attending few TISA workshops, I feel deep changes in my inner and few in outer. 

•  Now I can talk on stammering to anyone  freely. I enjoy talking on stammering although fluents doesn’t want to talk more on it. 
• I dosn’t feel so much fear or shame after blockages (although there is more work to do).
• I reduced switching words in fearing situations. 
• And most important which I got, the inner struggle with words goes down and a peace in inside.                                     

                        Although many friends of mine tell me that you start to stammer more after attending workshop. How I tell them that my inner struggle goes down which reflects in my outer. Sometime I stutter more and what others can do in it?? I have born to stutter; sometimes I win, sometimes my stutter. Just a matter of time.