May 3, 2018

What did I do wrong?

Quite often a young pws does not return for the second session, with myself or in the SHG. SHG coordinator is often left confused: Did we do something inappropriate that he did not come this sunday?

Changing our life, our beliefs is a tough and slow process. To come to terms with something as simple as, being honest with ourselves and saying, "yes, I stammer and want to do something about it"- may take many months to grapple with, digest fully and come to terms with. Here is a relevant excerpt from a book, meant for counseling students:
One of the more difficult aspects of being a student counsellor is when clients do not return for a second or subsequent appointment, you can feel inadequate. This is known in the ‘trade’ as FOI (‘feelings of incompetence’). ..
Most counsellors will tell you of a least one client with whom they had a really good relationship but who didn’t return, and of how they reflected that something they did or said might have contributed to that decision.
The writer John Shlien, a student of Carl Rogers and himself a well-known and respected therapist, reflected that the client has a ‘right to fail in therapy’. Shlien believed that each person knew everything about themselves. Thus, clients sometimes come to realise that the source of their problems is within them: they know the truth, they know what they have to do, but are not yet ready or able to move on.
For example, a client lived in a loveless marriage, because she did not want the consequences of leaving her husband. For her, being wealthy and miserable was a better prospect than being happy and poor. Once she understood this, she never returned to therapy or answered any of my letters. I later reflected in supervision that perhaps the time we spent together may have prepared her for the next stage in her life – so that, in the future, she might choose to see another therapist when she is ready to move on.

A few years ago, I had a client who wanted someone to hear and bear testament to his story for one session. When he made a second appointment, we both knew that he would not return. He had got what he needed: another human to share his world for one hour of his life. ..
(From: How to Survive Counselling Training: A Student’s Guide
 January 2018 Edition; by Rory Lees-Oakes)

So, dont feel bad if someone participates in the first meeting enthusiastically, claims to have been totally transformed by TISA etc. - and never contacts you again! This is LIFE and this is STAMMERING.. :))  It is OK. People have a right to their life and their stammering. 

1 comment:

Dixit Arora said...

Appreciate ur thoughts.... U highlighted very nice points here.