Dil Se..

(Truth has a power of its own; a way of its own. It can go straight to our hearts- and solve deep problems in the twinkling of a moment. Following testimony has done the same for many of us and therefore, we are sharing it again. It was published in Samwad in the beginning of this year. Thank you Karthik! You have done a great service to this community by sharing your thoughts. Ed.) 

 

I had gone thro' lot of struggles just like you have gone thro' without which I can never imagine to be who I am right now. Every coin has 2 sides. So if you are going thro' some struggle, just be calm and await for a wonderful life waiting for you in the next side. 

My life as a stammerer has always been shy, embarrasement, depression, advices from people which sometimes makes me frustrated and angry on myself. People used to compare me with them to their girl friends and show they are better than me. Even though I had the tools and talent, I was not able to express it. I felt that In this life communication is all and without communication, there is no life. Ofcourse upto certain extent communication plays a vital role in a individuals life. I tried a lot of things in life. Went to speech therapies, tried out yoga, meditation etc., to come out of stammering. The more I tried, the more frustrated I got to be. More low feeling and a sense of failure used to kill me always.

One fine day, I realised that no one in this world is going to help me. They are behind money only. The only person that can help me is myself. I started to do a lot of hard work. Woke up early. Did meditation, Yoga etc., Since there was no good place near my house, I used to travel about 10 kms every morning in my bike and practice in Cubbon Park alone. I found it very helpful. I quickly made a lot of friends in Cubbon park who were regular joggers and I enjoyed my daily practices. Many folks approached me during this time and I thought why not start one Group for the stammering people alone? So in the year 2002, I started a small group who were just PWS and we met in the cubbon park weekly. 

Slowly the strength began to fade off and I was left alone. That was the time when TISA started its operations. I joined the TISA movement. I was actively participating in the sessions until I got a new job. The pressure of work in the new job, made me irregular to attend the sessions. 

Getting a IT job in those times were very difficult for me. Once I had attended an interview in a MNC company in Bangalore. There were about 7 to 8 rounds. I successfully completed all my rounds and was waiting for the HR round. One of the trainee HRs in that company was my close friend. When I was waiting for the next round, She told me that I was selected and the offer letter is ready. I called up my house and said that I was selected and I was waiting for my Offer letter. I was very excited and was waiting for the chance to grab my first IT job. My name was called and I went into the HR room. There the HR asked me the tell about myself. I stammered severely due to the anxiety and happiness on seeing my offer letter on the HR person's hand. Seeing me stammering, the HR blindly told me that I would not be able to offer you this job since you stammer. You need to communicate with the offshore team and also attend client calls. If you stammer in those calls, our company name will spoil and he just destroyed the offer letter in front of me. This was a very disheartening to me and I was emotionally down. More than the failure of loosing job, I didnot know how to face my family and my close friend. 

Ofcourse I got a new job in a startup company in the next week but this experience had struck me very badly. I started to concentrate on my new job. Worked a lot to improve my knowledge. After about 2 years of working in that startup company, I started to get interview calls. Interviews were like a cake walk for me during that time since I had gathered good experience in my field. Ofcourse I stammered but that was overshadowed by my experience and confidence. I hopped 4 jobs in a span of 3 years. I used to just attend interviews for experience and gaining confidence. 

Now also I stammer. But the difference now is I stammer openly without hiding. If people laugh at me, I too laugh with them. If people try to ask me why I do this way when I speak, I say I stammer. If people advice me, I just listen to them with out any sense of anger or feeling low. After all they are advicing because they care for me. In some occasions when I attend interviews or give a presentation, I tell the audience that I stammer at the start itself. Some folks really encourage me and tell its completely fine to stammer. This really helps me to ease myself in the starting itself and I complete my speech with less difficulty.

Some events in life made me to be totally hard on my emotions. But without those experiences in life I would not have been in this position right now. I now work for a MNC in Bangalore. Ofcourse much better than the company that dint offer me the job at the first. Maybe god wanted me to go thro' the tough roads to make me a better person. 

During 2011, I planned to host skype calls everyday to help myself improve on telephonic conversations and conferences. Its still now going pretty well with a lot of people joining around the Golbe. I now have about 700+ people in my skype contact list. I have made it a daily activity to remove about 10 irregular attendees from my list to accomodate new joinees in my list. Its fun and very helpful not only for me but for those who attend regularly. I am humbled to say that it has touched many people's lives and they have made full use of it.

In this letter I would like to thank my stammering without which I would not have been in this position or in this job. I thank my stammering to all that it has done to me. At the end, it is my life. I have the power to design my life and the power to make it inspiring to others when they get to know me. I know its a long writeup. If you have reached till this end I appreaciate you for the patience in reading this. 

If at all this sharing has touched you in any sense, do email me your comments at aishkarthik at gmail dot com and I will be delighted to hear from you.

Dont let stammering come in front of you. You are bigger than your stammering. 

Thanks

Karthik.R

Mob : 9741200991