September 9, 2013

Experiments....Emotions

In my quest for bringing myself above the negative emotions regarding stammering,i used to challenge myself and experiment sometimes with my speech.

Today after finishing my night shift at the workplace, I purchased delicious idli sambhar and waited for the auto rickshaw to return to my hostel.

Suddenly, my mind, who always loves putting me in trouble, challenges me if i can go into the block while talking to the auto rickshaw driver as they use to be in so hurry always and stimulates the passenger to talk quickly.

 So, i decided that the driver of 1st auto that will come by way will be my target. irrespective of number of passengers in the auto and how many girls might be there.


The sentence i chose was - Mere pass PPPPPPPPachas ka note hai, change nahi hai (i have rupee 50 note, no change). There were high chances he will allow me in his auto without bothering much for change.

I was quite sure that i was going to stuck on the word PPPPACHAS.

Still, having enjoyed ACCEPTANCE up to some extent, I was quite relaxed waiting for the auto........in deepest core of my heart, i was expecting that the 1st auto in my way should not be much crowded and absence of any female passenger would be a jackpot for me,

An auto was marching fast towards me.......from far, it didn't looked much crowded.....anticipating less number of passengers, my heart was full of joy.

But, closer it was getting to me, i was getting nervous.....and when it was just in front of me.....i can see that it was enough crowded and there were 2 female passengers in it.One was a young lady of my age.........about 25 yrs in age..........well well its ok, its ok...i am 29....still, i can call her my age :-)....and i was so nervous that i just didn't gather the time enough to look at the other one...i just open my mouth and stammered on the sentence -
ppppppachaskanotehaikhulenahihai...........got anything?......no?......the same reaction auto wala gave.....although i didn't fallen into a long block but my speed was so hurried that i was knowing that it was very hard to understand what i said........i just said that entire sentence in one go as if there is no gap in between the words....anyways, i make him understood in 2-3 tries and i stammered plentiful.

Anyways, not much reaction by any of the passengers and i got in......but I myself was feeling off the mood and  feeling guilty that i stammered badly with NOT GOOD LOOKING facial expressions and how that girl looked at me as if something not normal with me.

Anyways, being very hungry and having delicious parcel of breakfast with me, i was very less bothered about anything else and looking forward to reach my room and eat that out as early as possible.


3 comments:

sachin said...

Difficult but surest path to recovery.. Best wishes!

lalit said...

g8t ashish , ur r brave enough to fulfill ur commitment with ur self .
keep practicing and keep sharing,
by the way is she pretty... -)

Manimaran said...

Sorry Ashish for my comment. It is really hilarious!!!