Last 3 months have been uncomfortable for me, as i have considered my stammering to be increased.
Lets talk about the things i have done to handle this situation than how it happened.
I have tried to voluntary using all those feared words, thinking that facing the fear head on will let me WIN over the fear.
But, most of the times, i was knocked out quite comprehensively.The more i was finding my techniques to be not working on those feared words and in those feared situations, the more madly i was trying to use them again and again and again,
What the hell!!!
The more i was stammering, the more i was trying.........the more the people were laughing, the more i was using those feared words knowingly in front of them........just like a gladiator.
But, it is a real life story that a movie, where the hero always wins.....So i was beaten brutally with woulds of shame,guilt,frustration,self de-motivation all over me.
Then, i talk to a recovered stammerer, whom i admires.Also, i listened to a spiritual guru whom i admires.
The message from both of them quite coinciding actually.
Earlier i was running away from those feared words and situations....now, i am voluntarily going into those things with an aim of WINNING over them.Both of these practices are extremes..........Earlier I was avoiding them to hide stammering to satisfy my ego and now I was intentionally targeting them hoping that I will WIN over stammering to satisfy my ego.
So, I have entrapped myself in an EGOTRIP which is hindering myself from being peaceful.
If I will be taking stammering as an enemy to win over.....there is very less possibility that i will be successful as it in not an enemy,rather it is my intrinsic nature and no one can fight with self.Such a fight will always weaken him.
But, if i can have peace with stammering, accepting that 'yes' , sometimes it will happen that i will get myself in a block and i may take a long time to speak and it is OK......then there is a high possibility that it may stop irritating me.