April 27, 2012

Where was the Confidence ?

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." 

From the beginning of our life, when we realized that we have some deficiency in my speech organ which allows us to speak with blocks. We never knew the name for this atleast "I" didn't till i was in 8th class (When i moved to new place due to my father's transferable job). I was doing good, playing like any other kid on the block, stumble here & there but never thought that i stammer... Even, parents or elder or even docs told.."Its nothing. Its just lack of self confidence & blah blah!!. Its gonna over as you grow up.." 


But what happened? What really happened is that we grown up with the fear and guilt that my stammer bothers or disturbs others :( I have to be within my own circles only. I have to talk less.. even in family function, just be with ma-baba so that when anyone asks name they are alwayz there to say!!! .. I always feared what will happen once I open my mouth and nothing comes out. How my parents will be embarrassed :( 


Anywayz, the life moved on I believe the change over in me happened before I joined TISA. The first thing is that I had to move to Bangalore due to new job, and moving to new place means like new surrounding, no circle friends. Though, I knew few people around and they made my life easy in initial months. But, now for thing I wanna buy or go somewhere of my own, I was & in fact I am still of my own, i.e. more interaction with strangers. Hence, slowly i started to open myself up with stammering ... and one day courtesy to Orkut (The first social netwking site..) I met JP. And after few causal talk he asked my how is stammering. 


I am taken aback as people hardly ask me this question. Then, he told he is in sabbatical for 6months for stammering. But, still i doubted why the hell he is so concerned about stameering!!! And then after few days while chatting with other common friend I came to know that He also used to stammer!!! Yup, JP and me are batch-mates not classmates & because of my shame/guilt (whatever you want to term it up!!) I didn't knew someone has this prob. I do knew one of his classmates who has the prob but not him.


Anywayz, so he is my introducer to TISA and I will be wrong to say life changed. Life just started to move on with new defination and new confidence. The TISA meeting taught me to move ahead in life with new thought. So, what it taught. It taught me confidence, which I was lacking!!. Confidence is closely tied to certainty in the world around us.  From this certainty, we are able to explore and discover aspects of our true self.  It is the reacquaintance with our remaining life certainties (friends, family, future dreams), that enables us to restore a confident foundation to our life choices.

And over the few months with Dinesh taking a lot of interest and applying his thought process to make & move Bangalore SHG to new heights... I see myself talking like them in near future.


Thanks for reading.


Regards,
Tanoy

PS: 
The in-depth meaning of first lines
When faced with an uncomfortable challenge, most of us turn away.  We choose 'not embarrassing ourself' over 'pursuing opportunity'. We PWS always have run away from our problem and never had the courage / confidence to face ourself. 

2 comments:

J P Sunda said...

Tanoy, your post comes as a surprise to me that you didn't know about my stammering. I thought everyone knew :-) I was a bit hesitant to talk to you about your stammer initially but I thought let me tell you about TISA and hence took the risk! It has been a real pleasure knowing you and many others from school. I really had a great time in school :-)

sachin said...

JP and Tanoy- Congrats to both of you. THIS is the true act of FRIENDSHIP! May God bless your friendship..
Very touching story..