June 16, 2011

On the rock of Acceptance..

A young IPWS, who on my suggestion, attended a SHG meeting for the first time, reverted back to me with this honest feedback: It was nice to see for the first time that many people stammer like me. But this visit has killed whatever little hope I had. You mean to say, I will ahve to spend my life like this? and accept it? All those people seemed defeated and tired (थके हारे)- Is that what acceptance means?
I tried to make him understand that acceptance is not as simple and straight as he was interpreting it to be, in his hurry to be cured- and the people who seemed "defeated and tired" - were in all probability, wise, humble and courageous people in their own right. But he had no patience. I felt sad for him and realised that I had done my bit and it was time to leave things in the hands of a greater power.
Then, a few days later, while browsing, I came across a thread on acceptance. I am sharing an excerpt from it (from Jim Mclure, a pws and a Retired public relations consultant) and also the link to the entire discussion:

A lot of PWS (and, unfortunately, some clinicians) see stuttering acceptance vs. fluency improvement as an either/or situation. Accepting our stuttering, shedding the shame and guilt, and changing our attitudes toward speaking can be a solid foundation for working on fluency -- and gives us something to fall back on for those times when fluency techniques are ineffective.

It's difficult to make this change on your own. I have tremendous respect for people who are tackling this alone with no support except via the Internet. Like Bernie, I found the National Stuttering Association a catalyst in my own process of change. Coming face-to-face with other people who stutter is an experience of mutual acceptance, and talking openly about your stuttering with other stutterers makes it easier to disclose your own stuttering to family and friends.
Here is the link: http://groups.google.com/group/stutt-l/browse_thread/thread/b20e30cc42452251#
It is time that more of us talk about acceptance and its meaning to us.


sujit said...


Akash said...

Today morning, I also got a call from perhaps the same PWS. When he informed that he is based in Chennai, I immediately suggested that TISA has a chapter in your city, get in touch with Mr. Manimaran, etc. However I got a quite cold response and he said that he had been there already. Not only that he had also discussed with Sachin and JP and according to them, stammering is a disability, it has no cure and I have to live my life with it. He sounded quite depressed. I tried to explain stammering by giving analogy of other medical conditions like high BP and sugar which can't be cured (like Malaria) but controlled. He wanted to try a therapist in Jaipur who can cure stammering. The idea of "acceptance" sounded like "giving-up" for him which is not the case. I think we need much more literature/talks on "Acceptance". Indeed its not simple!

J P Sunda said...

I believe most of us need to "earn" acceptance by going through our quota of pain and suffering. Somehow that's how things are planned, it seems :-)