My story..

Hi everyone! Myself Prasannajit, an M.Tech student. I am writing this as a part of my acceptance towards stammering.

An ounce of practice...

Friends, many of us keep looking for that 'perfect' technique for the best part of our lives.. While some, like Karan (from Kanpur SHG), get hold of one idea and get down to work with it relentlessly- and guess what? - they make rapid progress! Karan had to make a presentation in his office on project management. So he did a little research, wrote down a script, read it out loud, recorded it- and listened to it quite a few times to understand where he needed to work more and what exactly- and voila!

Prolongation or stretching or lengthening..

Prolongation is a very popular fluency shaping technique. Hemant kept on reminding me that we need to do a video for Hindi speaking pws .. Thank you Hemant! So here it is. It is just an introduction. Learn more from others in your SHG and practice, practice, practice- till you develop good controls and are able to do it in a normal conversation with strangers. Yes it can be done! At the end, you will see "Herbertpur Hardy Boys" doing this technique. (about 16 min, 13 clips; use "play all" and sit back..)

Some more fun..

Ishan shares a funny moment... Pramendra and Amit do an interesting role play- sharing the funny problems of real life situations. BTW, TISA does not operate any airlines.. not yet!
I wish I could have spent more time in one to one counselling sessions with everyone. I tried it with some participants. So, you are welcome to get in touch through emails and let us continue our discussion, which just began in those three days. As I said, it is a long journey and 3 day workshop was only to give you a start, a bearing. Attend local SHG. Start one, if there is none in your town. Keep in touch with others and pick up whatever is of your particular need and interest. Above all, remember "communication" is of more meaning than fluency...
All the best, friends!

Comm WS Herbertpur: who are we?

More videos.
कार्यशाला के प्रतिभागतियों का संक्षिप्त परिचय

1 डा. विजय सिंह उत्तर प्रदेश के गोरखपुर से हैं। वर्तमान समय में मेडिकल
आफिसर हैं। टीसा के एक्टिव वालेन्टियर। आपके अनुसार हकलाहट को चुनौती के
रूप में स्वीकार करना चाहिए, समस्या की तरह नहीं।

Comm WS Day 1

This is a brief report. About twenty people gathered on time in Anugrah. Some old and some new faces. The workshop was inaugurated by Mr Robert, who heads Community Health department of Herbertpur Christian Hospital. We thanked him for extending the use of premises for this workshop. We played out some interactive fun exercises for introduction. Some fun energisers too- like double speed bole bum. In two sub-groups we discussed and practised: cancellation, eye contact, pausing, prolongation, bouncing. Then we did a very intuitive and interesting exercise: Stammering Interviews. We stammered a lot, we laughed a lot and we learned a lot. We will be sharing a brief bio of participants soon. Here are some "nice" moments..

Update- Communication workshop, Herbertpur (19-21 Apri 13)

List of all Participants, who attended herbertpur april 13 comm.workshop

Logistics update: 
Hotel Kailash has a marriage party booking for just one night (20th April). Hemant has made alternative arrangements in the same hotel for that one day. But if any problem, dont hesitate to see other hotels close by: Hotel Vaibhav (near Lehman Hospital turn)- 9897442659; Hotel Guru Kripa- 09412050922, 01360- 252724, 01360- 252459

Agenda:

Venue: Anugrah, Herbertpur Christian Hospital (meeting room- top floor)

Day 1 (19th April)

9.30 -11.30 am:

Intro Marathan;

Sharing of ground rules; Choose practice partner

Discussion on expectations

Follow up support (How can we help each other after workshop?); Tea

11.30- 1 pm: Introduction to and small group practice of Eye contact, Cancellation and Stretching (prolongation) techniques

Acceptance

As we are seeing a lot of talk on acceptance on our blog, workshops and National Conference, I think its right time for me to give my two cents too!

So lets start from a very basic question : What is acceptance ?

Acceptance is DOING! Its NOT a thought or affirmation that you need to repeat to yourself 10 times a day - "I accept that I stammer". Actually saying it to your own self may not even help(but create more conflict due to you mental state and outer behaviour/life)! You may feel a sense of relief when you say it the FIRST time to your own self but after that move on to the DOING part because thats 99.99% of acceptance! DOING ?? What DOING ?

DOING involves going out and meeting other people who stammer, writing about your experiences on a blog and sharing it with the world, doing voluntary stuttering in your neighborhood, conducting an awareness session on stammering at your workplace and much more! I can hear - All this is NOT easy! Yes, it is not easy. So start small: Just go to a SHG and sit ( may be even quietly ) between other people who stammer. Tell your pet that you stammer. Talk to another person who stammer, on phone or in person and say that you stammer and slowly become comfortable with talking about your stammering. Then try stuttering on purpose. If you can just allow yourself to be with the feeling of unease, fear or may be pain, when you are doing the above, slowly you will start becoming comfortable with the NEW you : One who ACCEPTS his/her STAMMER.

Moral of the Story: Acceptance is a FEELING of being at ease with oneself and it comes from DOING not THINKING!

An assignment for people who may want to get into DOING mode right away: Make a call to any call center and say - "I Stammer " or "मैं हकलाता हूँ". (You brain will give you 99 reasons, NOT to do it. Mine also did, but I still went ahead and did it just now. Your thoughts are conditioned from past - Don't believe them :-) Search for Eckhart Tolle and see what I am talking about! It can help you on the journey of acceptance and your life!

And the magic happens!

Last 3 years for me have been nothing short of a miracle. I found about TISA in January 2009; started a SHG immediately; had our first SHG meeting in March 2009; organized regular meetings; organized a communication workshop in July 2009; applied for a 6 month sabbatical immediately and got it approved immediately; worked with TISA for 6 months;went back to my job and felt same frustrations; left my job; struggled with starting my IT venture. While it was looking like I was not making any progress but there was something going on in my life which was healing from Inside : Meeting other pws

Even though it make look like "I wasting my time" because I had no results to "show" but being an active member of a SHG provided me emotional support, helped build my social skills, gave me opportunity to just be myself and see that its OK to be me and helped me improve my communication skills too. It was empowering in a very unique way and brought a sense of peace. It felt so great to have so many friends to hangout with, to go out on lunch with. SHG taught me much more than fluency- it taught me how to live. The best thing was that I was in charge through out the process and it helped me build confidence in myself that yes, I too can work things out on my own and with help from others! If you are willing to be comfortable with those feelings of "not knowing" and uncertainty, SHG is for you too. And if you can find a good speech therapist, that will be like icing on the cake!

Transformation

A little story of transformation of a young man...(read the comments below this public youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btHyuUbGzW4

Reality check

Sunday, 13 Nov 2011.
Pawan, Vineet and Susheel were there today. After usual gupshup and practice, Susheel confided that he was having a horrible time saying the home destination while returning by bus. I had been planning a bus trip with him for sometime. I knew, it had to be today.

So after the, meeting was over, Susheel and I got into a bus. He of course had his fears. But was I totally free of fear? No! I too had performance anxiety. Will I be able to play my role as a speech coach in a crowded bus? Time for reality check- I said to myself, as we hurtled in the bus..

Once in, we moved towards the front rapidly- to get hold of the conductor. Once there, I asked Susheel gently to go ahead, look into his eyes and bounce, the way we had practiced in Anugrah and on the bus stand with strangers, few minutes ago. I stood in such a way, that no one could move towards them- I had a A4 paper ready in my hands with destination written large on it (to hand it to Susheel, in case he failed to say the word)- But Susheel did manage to bounce and say the dreaded word. Conductor gave him the ticket.

Then, I requested him to inquire about other details about the destination from other people around - most, older than him. In about ten minutes, he had said the word at least 6 times with different people with some control and good eye contact. Mission accomplished, I got off at Herbertpur, where Pawan was waiting for me with his bike. He gave me a ride back.

Ten years back- would I have accomplished it differently? Yes, significantly so, I think. I would have never planned in detail, as I did it now: a written paper to help Susheel, just in case.. asking Pawan to get ahead and give me a ride back home etc. etc.
As I left the bus, I saw smiling face of Susheel, as he waived out. His problems are not over. Not yet. But at least he has seen that "it" can be done in the bus as well as in Anugrah.. It is a win-win situation for both of us.

Reflections..

"..A small reflection on stammering... recently I have been practicing more deep breathing and for longer periods along with concentrating on different centers at the same time(agya chakra and also the tip of my nose). Similar to the information I remember reading in the Valsalva (sp?) technique book X lent me, it seems to be a real aid not only for my sadhana, but also for my speech. I never realized so directly have anxious and uneven my breathing was or how my hypersensitiveness so often left me feeling jittery and emotionally drained. The more I consciously practice a few different of these breathing techniques throughout the day, the more that trapped energy gets redistributed and does not build up or become stuck, which seems to have a direct effect of the frequency of my potential to stutter. I also feel more self confidence.

Not sure how much you have experientially tested the effectiveness of breathing exercises for stammering. The probelm is, from my perspective, that people have little or no capacity for perseverance with ANYTHING, and just jump from one technique to another, sort of like with spirituality or different Gurus, and they never get very far. So who would have the time, dedication, and faith to practice any technique for the duration required to see some real change?

We are so fickle. I still almost daily use EFT. You?.."

- Received from Anugrah, a friend

Black and White

23rd Oct. Comm WS, Delhi.
Theory at ISI. Practicals at Palika Bazar. Eve of Deepawali. Heaven of Bargainers and quick deals. Abhishek and myself were also their for a quick bounce. Yes, we were checking out if we could practice acceptance in real life, say that we stammer and introduce ourselves with bouncing technique. All that we had to do was just say one line: I am s-s-s-sachin. All that the listener had to do was to listen and carry on. That's all. The whole interaction could take just about two minutes. The exercise went very well and in the bargain we discovered many shades of life. Of course we had our fair share of difficulties in the beginning.

operated disfluency

Thing which i dislike most is dis-fluency ,i dont want to dis-fluent, not even in single word in a year.i feel lot of pain whenever i become dis-fluent either in fort of people or alone .

suddenly question arises in my mind why dis-fluency giving me so pain and what factor working behind it ,alone dis-fluency is not so powerful which can ruin my life. after a deep thought and revising my past life i came to know that... I am getting pain because of two label which i attached with dis-fluency, they are

1>feeling to intense inferiority complex while/after stammering and

2>my listener will think how pathetic i am (i hate to be pathetic)

so i realize basic problem is attaching wrong label with dis-fluency.............but same time it is very difficult to remove these labels and still working on it(soon post result of this work)...

fortunately i got one pdf file in our yahoogroup (Mind-To-Muscle Pattern) which can help to remove these labels..............Mind-To-Muscle Pattern is 5 page file and one can complete this in 20 min(contain flow chat ect)

Is Hope a good thing?

A few days back I was trying to think what could be a good parallel or simile for the hope which average stammerer (I included) carries in his heart, that one day he will be okay, he will speak like a “normal” person, he will be fully cured..

I suddenly came up with an idea: the only other example of such a phenomena is our faith in afterlife, in our indestructibility. The creation may end, but we are very much there, watching it as it ends.. We can not imagine a time when we will NOT BE. This faith in persistence of life after DEATH, is pernicious and found in almost every culture and faith. This hope in eternal life is at the core of all major religions. But it is problematic too, when not guided by “knowledge”, as Vivekanand discovered, when he went to America.

He met a lady who was a medium (medium between our world and spirit world). He was invited to a seance and there he saw how this eternal hope and faith in afterlife is used by charlatans to fool simple people in America. A young man was shown his dead mother (now, ofcourse much changed) and very gullibly he reacts- Mother! how beautiful you have grown in the spirit land! Vivekanand was amused and felt that people needed to be more objective even in religious matters.

Here is the incidence:

“There was one of those ladies who bring the departed spirits down to us — a medium. She was very large, yet she was called medium. Very good! This lady liked me very much and invited me to come. The spirits were all very polite to me. I had a very peculiar experience. You understand, it was a [seance], midnight. The medium said, ". . . I see a ghost standing here. The ghost tells me that there is a Hindu gentleman on that bench." I stood up and said, "It required no ghost to tell you that."

There was a young man present who was married, intelligent, and well educated. He was there to see his mother. The medium said, "So-and-so's mother is here." This young man had been telling me about his mother. She was very thin when she died, but the mother that came out of the screen! You ought to have seen her! I wanted to see what this young man would do. To my surprise he jumped up and embraced this spirit and said. "Oh mother, how beautiful you have grown in the spirit land!" I said, "I am blessed that I am here. It gives me an insight into human nature!" (from Complete works of Sw Vivekanand)

Now, going back to where I started from: Could it be that similar “mediums” are taking us for a ride, just because we have this irresistible faith in CURE? An IPWS has spent over Rs 20,000 and still does not know whether stammering can be cured or not (link 1, link 2) . The people who assured him of this cure, refuse to respond to his questions. Others say- such 'therapists' may not know technical stuff but their therapy has done 'some' good to 'some' people. Do people who charge fee for their services, should not be updating their knowledge and sharing it with their clients? At least on the important issue of CURE? Should they not discuss at the very outset with the client, what is possible and what is not? Can we use questionable means to honourable ends?

It is time that we realize that our faith in cure is hurting us. It has given rise to an industry selling us "Cure" through crash courses, pdf files (for 39 dollars), DAF machines (Rs 5 lacs in India), computer based programs etc etc. Yes, amid all this hectic "business", there is hope: self help and self help groups are available, Vipassana, Brahma Vidya, Yoga etc are there. Communication workshops run by others and TISA too are there. Hope is there but not a dreamy one- a hope based on facts and realities.

Mastermind success!!

“All misery comes from fear and unsatisfied desire. When we know that we never die, we will have no more fear of death. When we know that we are perfect, we will have no more vain desires. These causes being absent, both there will be no misery--there will be perfect bliss, even while in this body….”  - Said by Swami Vivekananda

It is a only mental block that prevents one from achieving any goal.

Have you heard of “Roger Bannister”? (if NOT, then Read ON!!)

>"He was the first athlete to run the mile in less than four minutes." In doing so, he not only broke the four-minute barrier, but also taught a valuable lesson… Back in the 1950's, the world record - 4 minutes 1.4 seconds - was held by Sweden's Ginder Haegg. The record stood for several years since it was set in 1945. Athletes, experts and the world were convinced that it was impossible to run a mile in less than four minutes. Some even argued that the human body was biologically incapable of running the mile in less than four minutes!!!

And then, on 6th May, 1954, Roger Bannister did the impossible. He broke the four minute barrier, finishing the race in 3 minutes, 59.4 seconds. His rival - Charles Landy - had thrice run the mile in less than 4 minutes 2 seconds without breaching the 4 minute mark. The four minute barrier was "like a wall", Landy had said. But guess what? Just 56 days after Bannister's feat, Landy ran the mile in 3 minutes 57.9 seconds. And by 1957, 16 athletes around the world ran the mile in under 4 minutes. The 4 minute mental barrier was truly shattered!

What really happened? Did coaches get smarter and teach the athletes new techniques? Did running shoes get more sophisticated? Did bodies suddenly get stronger? No. The 4 minute barrier it turned out was not a physiological one - just a mental one! As Roger Bannister explained later, it seemed illogical that you could run a mile in 4 minutes and a bit, but not break 4 minutes. His mind refused to accept that barrier. That made all the difference.

Once that mental barrier was broken by Bannister, everyone believed it could be done! And once the belief changed, the rest was easy.

It's important to understand that our achievements in life are limited not by what we can do, but by what we think we can do. More than ability, it's our attitude that makes the difference. As Henry Ford said, "If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you are right".

You will probably find your mind constantly grappling with two competing thoughts: 'I can't!' and 'I can!' How do you ensure the 'I can' wins? How can we break our mental barrier of 'I can't'?

Important

You won't always find a Bannister to break your mental barrier. You need to do it yourself. Once you start feeding the 'I can' thought, you will achieve more than you ever thought was possible!

This is what I believe TISA is promoting .. “Believe in Yourself.. Change the Mental Block… Accept your Speech Disability And C the Wonders”

Source: Yahoo India Education - By Prakash Iyer

signing off!!

Screaming beyond Silence!

Screaming beyond Silence!

Every movie or book we come across and is liked is because it has some deep correlation to the events of your life,some characters that resemble you or some characters that resemble the people you know closely.  I watched the movie The King's Speech (true story of King George VI ) and this movie brought back memories of my childhood and my days as a teenager.If you have seen the movie you must have guessed already but for those who haven't  ...yes I'm talking about the chronic stammering /stuttering that the king has to deal with.

No one learns to stutter when they learn to talk .It all starts due to some trigger event.I believe that stammering is more of a psychological problem that a medical one.My oldest memories of the problem that i recollect is when i was 5-6 years old and the elder boys that i played with made fun of it not knowing how much damage it is causing me.Its unfair to blame them as Hritik Roshan (a stammerer himself) says "it is one of those disabilities that is laughed at" and I believe it requires maturity and a proper understanding to realize that it is a problem ,which most young kids lack.

I dreaded going to the local store to buy bread or milk because the shopkeeper used to mock and repeat my words which sounded some what like  Ba- Ba- Ba  bread and Wa W w wafers. On couple of occasions the other customers just burst out laughing and i cried tears and went back running home.On one occasion a man tried to steal the 50 rupee note that i was holding in my hand for buying medicines and I couldn't even shout for help..words just wont come out..I came back home with the torn note which the fist of an 8 year old can hold.

Meeting people at public gatherings was always a pain as it required me to talk.to relatives.I avoided telephonic conversations because it made the listener impatient. School rapid reading sections were always pathetic and i wished the bell rang before my turn came in...when it didn't..I used to shift places with some other friends I had .
Omkar Shibad,Dhruv Mucchal,Aziz Bootwala,Vivek Changoiwala ,Umang Shukla ,Bhaswati Unni, Shruti Menon and Priyanka Pitti are some of the people who realized this discomfort and dared others not to laugh at me.I Thank them today.

Theres a difference between knowing the answers and answering them and I always chose not answering.Eating Samosa was much easier coz I couldnt ask for Wa wa wa wadapav unless the guy is looking at where I'm pointing.

The only times I did not stammer is when  prayed  or when I spoke to myself.

Time moved on I went to national college(considered to be one of the cool colleges as far as crowd is concerned) and while other boys were busy talking to girls I watched.Slowly and steadily by the beginning of engineering I spoke a bit and realized my views were appreciated and even needed by some.My mother has been my best friend and my coach..and I still remember the times I just couldn't stop stammering and her eyes would fill.

Today I want to thank all those people who suppressed their smiles while I spoke ..gave me time to complete my sentences and waited for my opinions on things.The only way to cure this is making their views felt needed and it requires more than just hearing ...do listen to them.

For any stammerer reading this remember a doctor or a coach can only teach you how to play the game ..but in the end its you who is on the playground . You alone can cure this .If you look inside and find reasons you'll get one strong reason which can bring out the never before side of yours waiting to be heard and cheered and scream beyond the silence and make it audible to everyone.

I know times have changed now..at times people wish I shut up and stop talking...but its been in there for all these years and now it feels good to hear myself out .Thank you for reading ..keep coming back to Ram's Realizations.

I shall soon publish another post as to how i overcame the Stutter ..

You can mail me at s.ramsantosh@gmail.com if you have any queries.
Click here for a list of stammerers....may be you'll find someone who you admired !

For more of my posts visit Ram's realizations and find a better lens to view life..