Role plays & Communication

Practicing speech techniques for PWS can be a very boring task at times! Role plays offer a very interesting alternative. In role plays we learn holistic communication: reading & memorizing dialogues, recalling, improvising, emoting, use of body language, throwing our voice back to the audience, being alert and alive to the moment, working with a group etc... above all, having good fun while talking!
This is the video recording of a play in Hindi "Teen Bhikari" by Dr Girijasharan Agarwal. This play highlights the role of self effort: "Apna hath Jagannath!" - which happens to be TISA's motto too. Actors are the participants of the Mini Communication workshop organized by TISA at Herbertpur, Dehradun.
Well done- Abhishek, Anupinder, Umesh, Saurabh, Rajesh, Rakesh & Nishu!!

HBT CommWS 3rd day

First exercise- everyone made a long list of "Difficult words"- then, we practiced different ways of dealing with them. Next, everyone was given a news paper item: they had to paraphrase and summarize the news, with own comments, in five minutes. Third challenge was watching oneself stammering on video... Participants, in pairs, videographed each other, while talking to a friend or a family member- then reviewed videos and analyzed them.
After lunch, a drama script ("Teen Bhikari") was given and a play was hosted by the participants in the OPD waiting hall of the HCH hospital. It was great fun. Participants had to use the techniques, say their lines at the right time, use expressions and body language appropriate to the dialogue and the scene..in a nutshell, a perfect multitasking and communication challenge. About 5.30 pm we dispersed with plenty of thoughts for the future.

Herbertpur- day 2

Anupinder from Patiala joined us today. We had a recap of four basic tools and the three block correction techniques. While Pawan carried the group through a hierarchy of increasingly difficult motor tasks, some participants had quick 101 session with sachin in a side room.
The group had ex-tempore sessions on random topics picked from a collection of cards. They discussed about the Sheehan's iceberg and its relevance to their personal lives.

Attitudes, values, perception of self Vs world, motivation, pessimism, avoidance, blaming circumstances...

After lunch, some more practice and then the group sang their heart out- some funny songs too- "Bhag bhag DK Bose.." etc.
Then, off to the market, for some snacks and real life practice of newly learned skills.. Nishu too had joined to help us.

Dont just put up with it- go out and EDUCATE!

Mini Communication workshop at Herbertpur
Dr O P Yadav from Varanasi, Saurabh and Rajesh from Dehradun, Rakesh from Faizabad, Umesh and Abhishek from Faridabad assembled this morning in Anugrah meeting hall. Pawan was the Assistant facilitator, helping sachin. Since most of participants had some exposure to basic techniques, we went through a rapid recap and practice session, followed by planning for the presentations in the afternoon.
The Community College runs a Spoken English class for its students, 26 or so in number. We were invited for an interaction with them. Here are the topics, everyone spoke about for five minutes, followed by question and answers:
Umesh- Use of Internet; Rajesh- Four stroke Diesel Engine; Saurabh- Performance Appraisal; Abhishek- Biometrics; Rakesh- Ritik Roshan; Dr Yadav- Role of society in rehabilitation of people who stammer. Pawan introduced speakers and chaired the function very ably. The students proved to be very good audience and asked some intelligent questions- including about stammering.
Lesson learned: we need to organize our ideas better, prepare well for presentations and keep the concepts very simple for lay audience. In the evening, the group went to Assan lake for fun and sight seeing. Everyone was on the front foot- charged and inspired by the day's events.
PS: Dr Yadav, an Audiologist & Speech therapist, was here to get familiar with TISA concept and hold a similar workshop in Varanasi. We wish him God-speed and all the best.

Osho on stammering

Today i suddenly googled to check if OSHO (Rajneesh), one of the enlightened souls of modern time had also sparkle his divine thoughts about stammering.Below mention is the abstract of the resultant:-

"I was reading the biography of a man who had the habit of stammering.Being the son of a rich man, he consulted a number of psychologists, tried a lot of medicines & spent thousands of millions to get rid of it.But all in vain.Then one day, an interesting incident occurred.A play was scheduled to be played in that town in which one of the character had to stutter.The actor who was supposed to play that character had fallen ill; so that man (stammerer) was approached by the play authorities to play that character.The role was small & that man readily understood his character & was ready to play it.At the stage during the play, miracle of miracles happened.The boy tried his best to stammer but failed; he was not able to stammer at all.So what had happened? "

Here OSHO illustrated the power of consciousness i.e. to be aware & alert every time. If we start to do something consciously, the involuntary nature of that act starts to dilute.

So in our context, if we can remain alert n aware when ever we feel a block, feeling our facial expression, checking our physical & mental state of body; we can improve !!!

So happy awareness guys !!!

Chennai meet

Dear All

The next Chennai Chapter meeting will be held in Anna Nagar Tower Park between 10.00AM and 12.00PM on 31st July (Coming Sunday).

Please attend and share your experiences.

Please contact me at 98414 12850 if you need more information about this meeting..

Thanks and Regards

Francin Prabhu

hi......... Dis is Chakit Samanta, an engineer 4m kolkata, presently doing my post graduation 4m nagpur.

i am a stammering person and i have controlled dis 2 a greater extent. thanks 2 Dr. Sachin and Rajendra sir, who have helped me a lot 2 learn certain techniques- pro.....longation and b..b..bouncing and certain block correction techniques.

6 months before my life was very much horrible. i could not even say my name and leading a pathetic life....Now i can say dat i m not 100percnt cure but i m pleased about my speech.

I can really assure u my stammering friends dat impossible r nothing... 1st of all u should accept ur stammering and use certin techniques 2 control dat. i m saying controlling bt nt cure b'caz controlling is much easier dan curing.

Friends i m always dere 2 help u up...... If u want 2 talk 2 me u may call me up 2 my no.-08928953535....or may email me- chakit4u@gmail.com

i will change my no. and i shll provide my no. through my e-mail

tnk u..........

Let’s heal our stories (present, future & past) about stuttering -1

I am going through a book, named STORY HEALER by Ms. Stephanie S. Tolan, the link for which is given by Dr.Sachin itself. I guess I must have succeeded in making you a bit curious to read it down with my eye catching headline in bold letters J

To start with a brief about the author, she is a mature lady who makes her living by writing, mainly fiction, targeting children & adolescents. She has been a skinless personality (physically weak) since her childhood, being very curious about this fact & had developed uneasy self perception about it as we all stutterers used to develop such feelings about ourselves.

She revealed about her over sensitiveness towards almost everything happening around her, which she gradually developed due to her so self perception, being a reward of being skinless. It fits to most of stutterers too (if not to all), as involuntary over sensitiveness is quite a common thing in our lives, either while compromising with our speech impediment or with other issues around us.

Now tuning in with the main theme of the book, lets understand that Life is a story. Just like a fiction story, where all the characters are brain child of the author, our lives is also a collection of stories on a broader platform, based on consciousness, imagination & experience. The thing that is important here is that, we can change our story at any point of time J. Isn’t it interesting & exciting too...

But it needs a fair bit of belief & trust on this theory to make it happen.

Before talking about this principle, let us understand that we all have our own stories of lives, which are quite different from others referring to the past experiences & their perceptions. For instance, an classic public encounter with stuttering like inability to pronounce his name in the class may become a lifelong humiliation experience for a stutter while someone else may forget it few years later. So a same experience can have far different futuristic impacts on different people, mainly due to their perceptions.

Also, one more vital phenomenon to understand is that everybody plays only a supportive character in anyone else’s life (story of life actually).Being stutterers, it has enormous potential for us to understood it very clearly that most of the times, after exposing out stuttering with others, we used to spend a whole lot of time, wondering about the impact of our stuttering towards our image in others lives. But in actual, neither we nor our stuttering is so important at all for them to consider. So, ideally we don’t need to bother too much about either us or our stuttering as nobody else does.

“U can change your story at any time” refers the power of positive feedbacks to yourselves at any instant of time when those well known negative thoughts /imaginations comes into play. But to attack directly on our own negative thoughts generated at any point of time regarding stuttering would be difficult for beginners like us as it is likely to be not so successful, which may disappoint us significantly.

Hence, it would be better if we start applying this principle to majority of our thoughts/imaginations throughout the whole day. We would need to have a check on our thoughts, especially negative ones & substitute them with positive replacements. Starting by observing others; how they react to various situations is also a good way to start it off as it is always easy to observe others than you. During this process, anyone can clearly observe that most of the time, people tends to be negative towards the situations they are facing. Then we can start observing our thoughts & find out how much negativity we are carrying though out the whole day. After such sufficient dosage of observations only, anyone can start the process of substitution.

Lets understand it with an simple illustration ----- Suppose a stutterer needs to go to the post office & have some postage stamps; he didn’t have any single good past experience with the officer appointed the work of selling stamps in his local post office. His usual thought process would compel him to imagine whole lot of troubles he is going to face while dealing with that officer (rude).He would neither enjoy nor concentrate on his drive to the post office on his favorite bike; he is riding it after a long time as he has returned yesterday only from his college hostel finishing his exams. All the difficult words/alphabets he going to struggle while talking to the officer will float in his mind during his ride; he would hardly manage to see the red lights on 2 street corners & manage to avoid violation of traffic rules anyhow. It is not at all difficult for us fellow stutterers to guess what would have happened at the post office window ; he would have struggled badly while dealing there.

Now, let us rewind the incident & start it again with implementing Life is a story & you can change it at any point of time phenomenon. If he starts his journey on his bike by taking few deep breaths & getting relaxed a bit & assuming that the journey to the post office would be very pleasant & he will enjoy the ride as well as the experience at the post office. If he concentrates on his ride while driving, feeling the soothing air hitting his body allover making his feel so light & joyful, if we just repeat the sentence ‘this is easy’ whenever his body starts to shiver with the fear of stuttering which he going to face at the post office , he may not find it a totally struggle free speaking experience with that same rude officer at such an initial level of application of this principle, but he would find it more easy & relaxed for sure than the earlier story we discussed.

So what we need is just to accept the power lies within U can change your story at any time & start exploring it. Atleast we can give it a shot as we stutterer used to be so such experimental having attempted so much stuffs J

Chennai meets..

Dear All,

The Chennai chapter meeting was held today in Anna Tower Park with 7 PWS participating. Mr. Amirtraj attended for the first time. We had a nice discussion on a nice lawn.

Many things were discussed including the importance of acceptance and attending meetings regularly.

It was adjourned after deciding to meet again next week at the same time and at the same place.

Hope we are able to meet every week..

Francin Prabhu

Herburtpur mini-workshop

Hello all pws
There is a good news for all of us. A workshop is going to organized at the end of this July. Some of members want it badly because they have free time. We requested to dr. sachin and he agrees now. It will be same workshop as like of chandigarh workshop of 3 days. There is also a registration fees to make people commitment. As this workshop is going on request of students like umesh, rakesh, dhurva and abhishek so it will have very low registration fees ( myself specially requested this thing to sachin sir). It will be half (i,e 500) of chandigarh workshop to motivate more young guys. All the participants can submit the cash to me after reaching to herburtpur. This is compulsory. Even the local members from nearby locations have to do this registration. So all of you are welcomed on herburtpur for the 3 days workshop. Possible dates 29,30,31 July . if some change happen, you have to check on this blog and one more thing, all the members which are coming, try to leave one comment here so that we can guess how much is strength going on. For further information, you can call me on 09813973747 or 08529982551. Or simply can mail at umeshrawat1987@gmail.com.

The Big Decision

As a child,I didn't know about the various stuttering treatments available to the pws and just though it was all about speaking slowly .That's it.As I grew up and with the introduction of internet in my life,I became more aware about the vast research being done in this area.It wasn't just slow talk,it was much more than that.But the more i researched,the more confusing it became.There were a number of techniques available like -Fluency Shaping,Stuttering Modification,Neuro-Linguistic,Yoga,Meditation,etc.etc.So the big question was-How the hell was I going to decide what approach to follow.So this article is dedicated to help you decide which approach is the best for you.Here are a few pointers:-

1)Awareness-Being aware on what is going on in the stuttering world is very very important.You cant just jump to a decision to go to any speech therapist just because he is promising you a cure.So before even thinking about therapy,you should research what stuttering is all about and then read about all the approaches together with their advantages and shortcomings.Then,with this knowledge in hands,contact the therapist and have a detailed conversation with him inquiring about the approach he will follow and what activities would be under taken both inside and outside the clinic.Don't just surrender yourself to him and give him the wads of cash.The more detailed the conversation,the better decision you would be able to make.

2)Know your problem-It is not just enough to say that I stammer severely,that's it.You should be aware of your physiological and psychological aspects of your stammer.To know exactly how you can do it visit this link where stuttering jack explains the stuttering scale and then visit this link to help you chose your therapy type according to your scale.

Now having chosen your approach,there are a few more pointers to make sure you can get the most out of the therapy:-
1)Only you can recover your stutter-The biggest mistake one can make during therapy is that he/she now doesn't need to do much work and it is the therapist's headache now,The therapist can just guide you and become your support system but its you who has to do all the work.Practicing the technique and then opening up to the outside world,that all depends on you.You have to help yourself.

2)You will fail a lot of times-The biggest thing that used to bother me(actually it still does) was the fear of failure.You need to understand that you will fail a million times before you can successfully apply a technique.Treat this process as a video game.You can't finish all the stages on the first try.You play,you die,you start all over,then die again,then start all over again.The same applies to stammering.You need to take it as a game and be prepared to start all over whenever you fail.

3)Make the process light-I always beat myself after a stuttering incident.This worsens the recovery process.Force yourself to be happy after an unsuccessful situation and it will slowly begin to work.The more relaxed you would be post a stuttering situation,the faster you will progress.

So,I hope I have been a little help to you in choosing the right therapy.See ya till next time !!!!!!!:-)

NC Dates finalised....

Okay, friends- please bear with us. The final dates are: 28-31 Dec. 2011 and 1st Jan 2012 (5 days). Venue will be IHS( http://www.ihsindia.org/ ) at Bhubaneshwar

Most people will get these days off, without much trouble, while for other slots, they will have to apply for leave, which may or may not get granted. Yes, we are aware that some of us, will be put to inconveniences and some may not be able to attend at all :-(
Our submission is: please bear with us and remember- this is not the last conference! We will have many more such occasions of getting together and learning from each other. Those who like to spend year-end with family and friends- our submission is- please consider us your family and friend this time- please!
So, please start getting your travel arrangements made. And remember your family too is welcome.
Please find the updated agenda @ http://www.scribd.com/doc/59881661/Conference-Agenda

Stages of coping – Louise Heite

Stages of coping – Louise Heite

It have took me more than 10 days to finish off the mini biography of a mature lady how she cope up the fear of stuttering in her life & placed stuttering as an integral part of her life.

This biography was written in mid of last decade on 20^th century, I guess. That would have been the time when internet had started to play as a crucial mode of communication between strangers. That was the time she got in contact with few stuttering resources available on internet. This way she got to have had a deep sense of behaviors of people with stuttering, including her own self.

According to her, accommodating a stutter involves a great deal of learning, from the early stage of recognition (to face the fact that I stutter) to final stages of integration (alternative word is ‘cure’).This success of this journey will depend on how someone accumulates knowledge about himself, about the environment & conditions in which someone is living & its impact on his speech, various techniques of articulation, monitoring & stutter management & a lot of other learnable details. She didn’t denied the possibility that someone may seek various techniques exploring the science of mind (for me , vipassana & other meditation techniques would be a few).

She didn’t tried to place stuttering in the category of any mental &/or physical phobia. Although, she did refer the emotional & social consequences of stuttering more or less similar to these disorders. Stuttering, like any other phobia, tends to make the person to lose of momentarily control over his speech & other fundamental aspects of his behavior while speaking.Stuttering itself doesn’t harm anyone physically or mentally.These are the list of emotional processes developed due to the negative attitude towards stuttering (fear,shame,guilt etc.would be on top of this list), which causes a chronic deep impact on subconscious of some one’s mind, which might take a life long process to dissolve these self generated undesirable labels.

She also revealed the fact that anticipatory fears (fearful conditions, difficult words etc.)used to change with time.For instance, a stutterer might get surprised after passing through a feared condition without much struggle & vice versa.

After this brief about stuttering & its characteristics (negative off course), she revealed the secret called ‘Stages of recovery’ (can be considered as ‘cure’ also).

These stages, in order, are Denial,Recognition, Aversion, Resignation, Acceptance, self Acceptance & finally Integration. Integration can further expand to Compassion, but for most of the stutterers, it would be sufficient to integrate their stuttering in their lives. These seven stages would be a life long process of every stutterer, the duration spent in each stage may differ from person to person. The progress through these stages will not be linear at all.For instance, a stutterer may feel almost impossible to pass over a particular stage, on the other hand, some one readily pass through that stage with ease.Also for many stutterers (if not for most) the progress is not forward always, & may face frequent set backs to get skitted in the immediate backward stage. Then again the process of suprassing that stage to reach the next stage would take place.

The stage of Denial for any stutterer doesn’t seems logical as he observes this phenomenon(stuttering) so frequently (exception for very mild stutterers).However, he may tend to show off denial after observing the fact that stuttering is not socially unacceptable, in general. He feels comfortable in getting labels such as ‘Reserved’, ‘shy’ or ‘serious’ rather than to be considered as stutterer. Parents can also feeds the feeling of denial in a stutterer by ignoring this uneasiness in speech of their kins or repeating the line ‘it would gradually disappear with age’ when ever the stutterer look at them stuttering. Generally, people at this stage doesn’t seek treatment & pass over to the next stage of Recognition. Recognition is what can be termed as the stage when denial would not be able anymore to help the stutterer in hiding this hard fact about his speech. Although, after recognizing this speech impediment, still the stutterer wouldn’t prefer to discuss about his stuttering in general. He would prefer to seek treatment with lowest possible exposure of his stutter. Recognition can be termed as the first step towards learning where he would be trying to get some genuine information about this phenomenon rather than just practising knowingly ignorance.

After Recognition, it comes Aversion, the most dangerous of all the stages, where the stutter started to develop all the undesirable feeling about his stutter, deep in his subconscious.This would also be the most noisy stage where stutter would develop few or more of the such as self pity.anger,shame,violence,guilt etc.This is also the stage when stutter would seek every possible source of improvement in speech by external resources such as therapy,medicines etc.At this stage, the stutter would seek only results rather than concentrating on the process itself, would be so desperate to achieve fluency, dreaming how different his life would be once he achieves fluency.He might work very hard to achieve that temporary fragile fluency & would trapped in even more aversion(may be termed as depression) once he realize that it was only a temporary phase. He might feel top of the world today realizing almost flawless speech & would feel trapped in the deepest ocean of stutter tomorrow only.

Next stage, Resignation can be considered as pre acceptance stage where the person quits all efforts to achieve the so called glamorous flency which he ever dreamed of .Now he started to accept the fact that he would be a stutter throughout his whole life, although he doesn’t feel good at all accepting it. He would try to negotiate with the outer world regarding his stutter & will try to reanalyze what can he do with all that piles of speech therapies,books & whatever he had gone in previous stages of recovery. Although it would be a grief in his resignation, but at the same time, he would feel a sense of ‘Relief’

That he didn’t need to continue his restless race for achieving fluency anymore as he gonna be a stutter for a long, long time. Fortunately, this would be a positive momentum towards Acceptance where a person accepts this speech impediment in his life as a permanent phenomenon. He would not seek much new tricks/techniques to overcome it, rather he would make efforts, developing the skills he found beneficial (out of all he learnt till date) towards his acceptance for stuttering.

In this stage of acceptance, the stutter would try to stutter fluently rather than seeking speech fluency. It would be a fun experience for him to face the outer world, now onwards. Marching through this stage, the stutter would make efforts to contribute positively for the betterment of other’s life who share this speech impediment. More he get involved in the process of betterment of other stutters, more openly he would need to accept his stuttering, which in turn, would make him move cheerfully to next stage, called Self acceptance. During this mid stage between acceptance & integration, the stutterer will not feel as excited as he was in previous stage while sharing the taste of inner joy & bliss he felt, accepting his stutter.Now he would feel the spirit of ‘Move on’ & will consider other issues in his life, which he almost kept aside while fighting with stuttering, an integral part of his life. He wouldn’t care his frequeny of stuttering anymore. But at the same time, he wouldn’t mind to be a gentle, deliberate & well managed speaker to ripe fruitful communication goals, rather than hiding his stuttering by slow speaking techniques.

Finally, it comes Integration, the stage of deep internal healing, or you can say satisfaction. The stutterer would fully accept himself as a stutterer & will look forward to face all the consequences without any feeling damaged. The fear of stuttering would be an ‘out of sight’ thing, now onwards.

Beyond integration, the writer forecasts ‘Compassion’ as the next level, as she was still enjoying the journey of Integration with her stuttering at the time of writing this mini booklet of practical experience with her stuttering.

i m thankful 2 sachin sir 4 his help 2 learn about bouncing and prolongation technique. u may contact me 09832111268

Silver lining..

Friends, here is a very heart warming story, in the spirit of "Power of One"..
Mr Raja Poladi, Coordinator, TISA Hyderabad chapter talks to media..

http://www.thehindu.com/life-and-style/kids/article2237911.ece

Our first National conference's agenda

Dear all,

Here is the first draft of the agenda :
http://www.scribd.com/doc/59881661/Conference-Agenda

The Venue will be IHS( http://www.ihsindia.org/ ) at Bhubaneshwar.
Please send your feedback and comments to jaiprakashsunda at gmail.com and satksri at gmail.com.

Mr Manimaran has suggested following topics; if you have something in your mind, which is not covered by the current agenda, please leave it in comments with your name and email ID:

Additional topics to be considered:

1. Why relapse of stammering in a few months after attending speech therapy?.

2. The connection between thinking & breathing?.

Best,

TISA

Families at Conference

Dear all,

I intend to come to the conference with my family members(mom, dad, brother and two cousin sisters :-) I just wanna know from you whether anyone of you also plan to do the same ?

Actually from my interaction with a lot of parents, I have learned that parents and our family members too suffer silently, as much as we do if not more! It would be a great healing for them too to be at the conference and not just meet pws but their family members and see that they too are not alone!!
We will also plan activities and outings for family members, if we have sufficient number of registrations (which I am sure we will :-)

waiting for your responses!

regards,
Jai

Speaking about stammering

Naveen is one of the members of the Bangalore SHG from the very first meeting itself. I still remember the first meeting and was really surprised to see a person like him in the meeting as he was speaking fluently. He told he acquired this habit when he was in seventh standard and that he was a good speaker and an actor before that. He spoke a lot about the problems of stammering like running away from situations in which he had to speak and his struggles to hide his stammering. He told none in his company knew he was a stammerer.

Recently he sent a mail to the group telling he faced some personal tragedies and was living in his native place which was around 100 KMs from Bangalore and was travelling daily to Bangalore and back. His stammering had also aggravated due to this. In addition to that he was denied a promotion to the managerial post in his company. His CEO felt he had some attitudinal issues as he always used to reply in monologues to him and always avoided talking to him over the phone. He did this as he didn’t want them to know about his stammering. He asked for suggestions to come out of this situation.

Most of us including Dr. Sachin suggested him to speak to the CEO about his problem and to avoid hiding his problem. Though he was a bit apprehensive, in the end he decided to speak to him about this. After a few days he sent a mail telling he had a discussion with his CEO about stammering. His CEO told him that he knew about his stammering and that he was waiting for him to talk to him about this! He promised all his help to him and asked him to work on his presentation skill and prove to himself that he was a good presenter.

After a few days, he sent one more mail telling he talked to one more director of the company and she also told she knew about his stammering and used to communicate to him only through the mail because of that. He always used to speak in monologues and she thought that was the best way to talk to him! She advised him to practice yoga and meditation and offered all the help.

These incidents show the advantages of not hiding the stammering. We undergo a great amount of tension hiding our stammering and most of the time stammering comes out on its own without our knowledge. Most of the time the listeners are not concerned about the stammering but about our habit of running away from the situations and going into a shell. Sometimes they might even offer help! So, let us not hide the stammering. Let us remove some tension by openly speaking about it.

Don’t Start a Sentence if You Don’t Know How It Ends...

Here i just come across a very handy rule for improving interpersonal skills which would help all PWS to counter the fear of stammering.......

Don’t Start a Sentence if You Don’t Know How It Ends -By Whitson Gordon

If you find you stick your foot in your mouth more often than not, weblog Stepcase Lifehack recommends strengthening your brain-mouth filter by thinking of the end of your sentence before you speak.

Nowadays, a lot of people seem to talk just to make noise. If that sounds like you (don't worry, I'm one of those people too), take this simple tip: Don't start a sentence if you don't know how it's going to end.

That was one of my biggest struggles when I started to consciously improve my interpersonal skills. There is this thrill of talking out of nothing, just to have your voice heard. I may say a stupid thing, but what the heck, at least I will make myself heard. What a dumb (and actually easy to avoid) mistake.

The thin interest that you may generate will soon turn into laughter or just plain ignorance. Mean what you say and know exactly how it will turn out before putting it into words. While it looks like it may add some salt and pepper to the conversation by introducing some sort of randomness, speaking without really knowing what you say will only ruin the other part expectations. They're talking to you because they're searching for meaning, not for randomness.

Stammering-A Sure Cure

This is the name of the sure cure book written by Partha Bagchi which I ordered around 1.5 years ago (before my association with TISA). in search of fluency.The cost of the course was Rs 4500.So i naturally thought that for such a huge amount of money i would be getting lots of stuff but what came was this book(MRP-355 written on the cover),a spiral binded xerox sheets booklet and a cd.But then I thought,the lesser,the better.I wouldn't have to work too hard.My parents also read the course material and were very impressed and said they thought that I would cure my stammering easily with this book(I will tell you later how this stills poses a problem for me).(NOTE-I will be using present tense in my explanation even though it happened months ago as i want to relive the moment)OK,so this book begins with an introduction page in which he summarizes the content of the book and in the end writes"Wishing you a happy,confident,bright,pleasant,stammering free life".so at that time this book re-inforces my earlier stupid belief that a happy life is a stammering free life.I start to hate my stammering even more and start idolizing Partha Bagchi for helping me.Then I start the first chapter"Causes of Stammering"The first line reads"It is an acquired behavior and not inherited or hereditary" which I now know that it is completely false,medical science has proved that in many cases stammering is hereditary.then he lists the causes of stammering(which actually are symptoms of stammering and not causes.Also such causes occur in everybody's lives but they dont stammer)But at that time Partha Bagchi was my God and everything he said was the truth for me.
Then the book tells about the various situations in which one stutters and the next chapter explains the various difficulties and hurdles I have faced or will face in the future because I stutter.All this makes me very depressed and I start detesting stammering even more but in the end he writes"Dont worry,this book will take you out of your misery.This makes me think"My life is pathetic mess but this great man's book will take me out of it.I am a needy person and i want his help."Then comes the chapter"Is stammering curable" to which he says,"YES!!!!YES!!!! It is just a bad (yeah bad bad stammering) habitual problem which can be cured easily by this book.This motivates me a lot and I start idolizing him even more.Then comes the chapter on "Self Admittance"which tells me to realize that I have a problem which is curable,I just need to work on it.Accept that you have a problem but it can be cured.So this is the extent of acceptance in the book.Then came the chapter "Checklist of Bad Habits".In this he does discuss some secondary symptoms but just points them out and doesnt provide a solution to remove those secondary symptoms but just disposes them as bad habits.He also labels bouncing as a bad habit by giving a specific example of pa...pa... panic.So all this is very very bad according to the book.
Then comes the much awaited chapter"Effective Practical Techniques" where he tells about 5 minute meditation,deep breathing,self-relaxation,positive thinking,self mind control,mirror practice,etc.etc. but all this is aimed a achieving the glamorous fluency and not for over all development.So though meditation is a very good habit but after reading the book I only did meditation and self-relaxation with the aim to cure my stammering which kind of kills the whole aim of meditation.The meditation and relaxation techniques in Brahmavidya and Vipassana is very very different from what is taught in the book.Here it is just used as another technique to cure your stutter.

Then began the endless motivational one-liners which I think you an easily find on the internet.In between the one-liners,he does tell me to face my fears but clearly states my aim-To speak fluently.So everytime I face a feared situation,my focus shouldnt be about communication but on fluency.The rest of the book is motivational talk compiled from various sources.In one chapter he tells me how to handle different situations. Interestingly all the suggestions were similar to the ones my parents used to give me when i was little like speak slowly,take a deep breath,relax,blah,blah.I then open the spiral binded workbook which explains the long lengthening style of speech and refers me to the cd to listen to Partha and his wife demonstrate the technique.Trust me,it was like listening to extra-terrestrial Hollywood movie in which aliens teach you how to speak.(Sorry Partha Bagchi,but I just couldn't resist writing this).But at that time I was so mad for fluency I agreed to become an alien myself and started practicing but never could speak like that in the outside world(Thank God for that).To sum up the techniques-I had to practice long-lengthening style  together with a lot of pep-talk and creative visualization and I had to devote one hour everyday to it.(Looking back,I am never gonna get that one hour back for the rest of my life).I never really made any significant improvement and in a short while I started stuttering more severely more severely as I started suppressing my stutter even more as I believed I had been cured.I practiced it for 3 months but seeing no cure I blamed myself and went into further guilt and depression.

MY TAKE-Though Sachin Sir told me to write a balanced report on this,but sorry sir no matter how much I think I can't find anything really good about the course.Though the motivational content is good but you can get that easily on the net or in other motivational books priced much much lesser.It also tried to make me a long-lengthening emotionless alien robot which is much worse than stuttering(believe me).Also reading the book my mom thinks that it is a bad habit ,that's it and I am still having a hard time convincing her with the truth.Also at the end of the book,Partha Bagchi writes that he is doing all this for the welfare of the people and appeals for donation for this cause.Dude,if you really wanted to help you wouldnt be charging Rs4500 for material costing you less than Rs 500.Stop fooling everyone(and yourself actually) that you are doing this for others' welfare.You are running a business and nothing more.
As for other pws if you want to read good books I would personally suggest books by Dale Carnegie like "How to make friends and influence people","How to stop worrying and start living" and 2 more such books by the same author(each book costs Rs 100) that stresses on real life communication and public speaking.Also if you want to go for stammer specific books then go to stammer.in to read free e-books by well known SLP's.I would also recommend a free e book "Redefining Stuttering" by John Harrison.These books are authentic and speak the truth without any ulterior motives.Also join meditation courses like Vipassana,Brahmavidya,etc to make a difference in your thinking and your life.Also be regular at local SHGs and try to attend as many workshops as possible(the Shimla one is coming up soon).And you can do all this by investing only your time and a minimum amount of money.As for pws who still have this urge to spend huge quantity of money to buy stammering cure,come with me to the Shimla workshop and you will realize the truth and then we can use that money to party all night:-):-).As for the sure cure package,if anyone still wants it,I would be glad to send him for free,dont hesitate to ask or else I would just use it in next years LOHRI !!!!! :-):-):-)

A new opportunity, wanna catch it!

Dear all pws,
As all we know that TISA is like a name of god for the people like me(means those who stammer).I am an adult pws who is college going. After semester exams, it is about one and half months free time for me . I can do many other works in this free time but I don’t think that no work has higher priority for me rather than to work on my speech. yes ,I am stammer and I want to come out from it, have to catch all the opportunity I got. I asked sachin sir to make a workshop for us as we are about 4-5 students. Sachin sir agreed to do so. He told us that there will be more fun and joy in the workshop if there are some more members. It will be nice if you come with at-least 8 or 9 people to join a mini workshop here in herburtpur. I talked some other pws but some how I ready to manage only 2 more guys who doing jobs. So we are 6 members who are ready till date (umesh, abhishek, ashish, dhurva, rakesh, sandeep rajoria). But we needed more. So I put this here on blog that anyone who is free and wanna come with us so that we have great fun. You can do it. If you do it. I will certainly not lag behind. It will be three day workshop and everything like will be chandigarah workshop. Possible dates will be at the end of July weekend. So you have two weeks to manage other things.Anyone who is interested can call me at 08529982551, 09813973747. Or can mail to me at umeshrawat1987@gmail.com . for further details you can also contact to sachin sir satsri@gmail.com

Benefits of Stuttering

“If you can live through a childhood of stuttering, you can live through anything. And if you go into adulthood still stuttering, you can handle anything… You have been tempered by the fire."
David Seidler (scriptwriter - The King's Speech)

Opinions Invited..!

TISA has around 19 SHG initiatives across the country. But the bitter fact is that only a few of these are able to meet regularly. Why do you think this happens? What are the challenges faced by the SHG Co-ordinators to keep going with SHGs and making the meetings happen regularly? What could be the factors that lead to SHGs being dormant? What can be done to improve this? What should the co-ordinators do? What should the members do?

Write in your opinion on the above issue and send it to me on harishusgaonker@gmail.com with your Name and Location. If you can send a photo then nothing like it!

You may also leave a comment here (Again with your name and location).

Your opinions will be featured into a article on SHGs and related challenges on Samvad for the August issue. Please send your opinion by 20th of this month.

- Samvad Team

Stuttering Benefits(Part 1)-Yardstick to know who my real friends are

Hi everyone,from today I will be starting a new series called Stuttering Benefits in which I will be discussing things which I have got due to my stammer.I have spent years blaming it on how it has ripped me of various things( though 99% of the time I was just imagining things) but now I clearly see the various positive aspects of this disability.So here is the first benefit:-
Right from standard one i have had the most amazing(read awesome) friends.Some of them are still very much in touch.The ones which are not are mainly due to my own faut.I am not good (actually very bad) in maintaining long distance friendship.I never call my old friends(I know,I suck)Anyways,i used to believe that having such cool friends till date was purely due to luck.But today I feel it was due to my stuttering.It always had a huge role to play in influencing me to be close friends with someone or not.As is with most pws,I was always repulsed by a person who frequently made fun of my stutter and wanted to be friends with ones who liked me the way I was(stammer or no stammer).Hence stammering became sort of a criterion for me to choose who my real friends were whom I could realy trust.Today,I feel really really lucky to be surrounded by such friends who genuinely like me and would go well beyond their capabilitiesto help me.I still have very old friends calling me and actually calling me by every abusive word known to mankind for not calling them or meeting with them.I really am trying to change this bad habit of mine but I know deep inside that even if I don't they will still be the same friends they were years ago.I guess I got such valuable friends because of my stutter which helped to judge people properly.Thankyou MY STAMMER for this precious gift.


I would also urge every reader to write one stuttering benefit and share it with everyone.Till then see ya,i will be back with another stuttering benefit soon.
This post was originally posted on my blog http://mystammer.blogspot.com/, if you like this post,do visit my blog :-)

PANDAS and Stuttering

PANDAS is an abbreviation for Pediatric(meaning related to medical care of children)  Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal infections(refers infections caused by a spherical gram positive bacteria,e.g.-scarlet fever).In layman terms,it is related to the disorders caused due to an auto immune reaction of the body in response to the infection caused by the bacteria(called streptococci) which makes the antibodies interfere with the neuronal cells of the brain which results in the disorder.This proposed theory mainly deals with Tourette's Syndrome but a recent case study of a 6 year old reports the case of onset of stuttering approximately 1 month after a Streptococcal infection.To see the complete case study click here.

This case indicates that in some individuals stuttering can be caused due to such Streptococcal infections.To see common streptococcal infections,click here.According to the PANDAS theory the antibodies created in the auto-immune reaction may cross-react with the region of the brain associated with stuttering.

Another reason for the possibility of PANDAS to be related with stuttering is the resemblance of stuttering with Tourettes syndrome.Three genes that correlate with stuttering also correlate with Tourette's Syndrome. Tourette's and stuttering have many commonalities, suggesting that the neurology of Tourette's may shed light on the neurology of stuttering. Stuttering happens frequently in Tourette's syndrome. Many of the medications that help control tics also help stuttering.Touretters control the disorder by substituting more-acceptable tics. Stutterers do this by substituting words.The more a Touretter tries not to make a certain movement, or a stutterer tries not to stutter, the less he or she can control the behavior.Both Touretters and stutterers enjoy support groups, where they can "let go" and move or stutter without embarrassment.Environmental cues can "switch off" Tourette's and stuttering temporarily. E.g., a surgeon with Tourette's has tics everywhere but the operating room .Stress can "switch off" Tourette's and stuttering temporarily.Dopamine-blocking medications, such as Haldol, reduce both stuttering and Tourette's.Both disorders run in families.The prevalence of Tourette's and adult stuttering is similar.Both disorders originate in childhood.Both disorders can be disabling, but Touretters and stutterers who achieve success say that their disorder was a gift.
So one can look at PANDAS as an explaination of stuttering onset after suffering from a particular type of infection but due its complex nature,this theory is pretty controversial at the moment  in the medical world.

Prideful Humility

Prideful Humility!!!!

Isnt it surprising....

I noticed this tiny conglomerate of words ((hope i m not doing too much torture to the readers here :-) with my efforts to make the post more interesting)) while reading another interesting mini biography of a stutter, although i havn't finished that yet.

Well it is not the review of this mini biography, u have to wait a bit to read that :-) i will post that sooner in another post

I am sharing this blog here today just because i had a little taste of 'Prideful Humility' today.It was a technical seminar today in my company organized by a team of an outside company.

The interesting thing here is that as soon as i got the information about this seminar,i was thinking about a set of questions that i would ask them during the seminar.Point to be noted here is that there was not any such boundation to ask questions, but being a stutterer & tried to hide it since a long time, i was feeling such a deep impulse from my inner self to ask questions there so that i can feel a bit light from the burden of fear of stammering.

After attending Vipassana,few osho meditation camps & now being a member of TISA, i was trying my best to cope up with my anticipatory fear of failure.Although it looked as if all my efforts till date had no stopping on my fear of stammering, but still i was not as restless as before.I was trying to keep my cool as the time of seminar arrives.

During the seminar, i observed that my listening capabilities were seized to a narrow limit as my maximum attention was just to get out of the seminar with asking my targeted questions (which were roaming in my mind from 1 week before the seminar).

When i entered the seminar hall, i was feeling quite relaxed & i felt that it would not be a too tough job for me to finish off with my questions.But as the seminar started, the graph of my confidence level started to fall down linearly.Anyways, i finished the seminar with 3 questions,more than what i had decided(2 questions).

Even though my voice was frightening with fear when i asked those questions (most frightened during 1st question), also the presenter was also not looking too enthusiastic to answer my questions (may be due to my fearful voice), but i completed my assignment.

So today i had a little taste of what i would called as 'Prideful humility'.

One thing here is that did i do the right thing by asking my pre decided questions???

Isn't is another way of taking your stuttering seriously & giving too much unnecessary attention to it????

Bidding ends!!

Dear all,

Due to the lack of enthusiasm in all of us for organising the first National Meet, we have accepted the bid of IHS( http://www.ihsindia.org/ ) at Bhubaneshwar. No, actually, we approached them and they kindly agreed to our request! This sets all of us free to concentrate on participating, rather than worrying about organizing everything. So, let us take advantage and start blocking the last week of December 2011 for this Maha-Kumbh mela..
Please keep checking this space for more details. I hope all of us will be there to make this event a grand success and to prove for once to the society that yes, stammering is a BIG ISSUE and NO JOKE!!

Best,
TISA

H-H-Herbertpur..

Nishant and Vineet came today. Hats off to commitment of these two young men- their commitment to themselves! First we had some voice modulation exercises, with finger tips on our throat to appreciate the fine movement and vibration as the pitch or volume changes. I discussed the role of bringing consciousness down to our throat on certain occasions, like when saying "hello" - Otherwise there is a possibility that air may keep slipping out without the first sound taking off. Can be funny and painful at the same time!

I had brought photocopied script of a Children's play in Hindi- Kangaroo. We spread out in the big hall and delivered our dialogues in a loud voice- with me giving feedback once in a while- like asking them to bounce on a particular word, whenever I heard a little hesitation or avoidance- or to deliver the dialogue once again in a louder voice etc. etc. Lot of positive strokes too. Once the play was over- I sprung a surprise on Vineet: I asked him to go up on the dais and tell us the story behind the play!

Nishant is working in a cloth shop. Sometime ago his mother came and said that he needs to develop arithmetic skills too. So, we did some mental arithmetic with Nishant, had a cup of tea in a shop and parted. Yes, I gave Vineet his video, which I had recorded while he gave the synopsis of the play. He said, he will compare it with his older videos and tell me the difference. I need no telling, by the way- the differences over last one year are quite obvious to me! Not just speech but the attitude as well.

Another Path Toward Recovery - By Russ Hicks

Recently i have been lucky to review very honest mini biography of a stutterer (enlightened stutterer actually :-) Mr Russ Hicks from USA.

So here i go....

‘Don’t seek, search or demand – just RELAX. If you relax. it comes. If you relax, it is there &you start vibrating with it.’

This is what comes in my mind instantly when I was in mid way, reading the mini biography of Russ Hicks about his journey of life with STUTTERING.

Honestly, I like the way he expressed his feeling in such an easy way (with frequent humor punches J) making me remind incidents from my own life which are quite as similar as his experiences.

It seems he enjoyed his journey from a severe stutter (from his point of view only, don’t blame me J ) to an highly accomplished public speaker so intense that even got bald earlier than normal (Just a joke J)

As in case of Mr.Russ, speech therapies didn’t work for me either (or there impact got disappeared dramatically when it came to perform in so called outer world)

Also my folks were & are very (not totally though) supportive of me but still its my inner bad attitude towards my stuttering that always haunted me (I am on the path of acceptance)

‘ Before I do ANYTHING else in the world, I’ve got to CURE my stuttering’ this is my line too……Now I would also try to change my wish list upside down assuring last place for fluent speaking (atleast second last for sure J)

‘Harder I fought for stuttering cure, the deeper the hole I was digging for myself’ was a deemed fit line for my life too till few months back. As stuttering (fear actually) mainly occupied in mind than mouth, too much attention to it would prove a bad decision by any means.

‘A good therapist will help his/her client attack his whole life rather than just the stuttering’ Exactly!!!……more chronic the fear of stuttering, longer the list of abnormal habbits (such as loss of listening capabilities, cut off from social life) which every PWS develop gradually. Hence, a therapy must focus on someone’s life as a whole rather than mere stuttering. As it is my personal experience that becoming a better listener automatically reduces your fear of stuttering & makes you a good communicator.

After reading this mini biography, I can find that the author have accepted himself as a whole how he is. He has widened his acceptance towards his physical appearance too along with stuttering.

He surely enjoys a place in the elite group of stutterers all around the world, for whom stuttering have been a path finder in their lives….. J

Bidding Starts!!

Dear all,

The bidding process for the first National Meet of TISA starts NOW! We invite applications from the volunteers who want to host this in their cities, with the basic details like expenses for hosting such a event for around 40-50 people for four days (tentative dates are around Christmas this year), facilities available, board and lodge charges for the participants, sightseeing options and any other details that you may seem important. The bids should be emailed to Dr Sachin (satksri at gmail.com), Mr Manimaran (maran_450 at yahoo.com), Mr Nitin Tomer (n.tomer@gmail.com) and myself (jaiprakashsunda@gmail.com).

The bidding closes on July 30th 2011, midnight.

Regards,
Jai

National Meet!!

Dear all,

NSA is having their 28th National Conference this July
(http://www.westutter.org/opencms/export/sites/default/nsa/pdfs/2011_Conference_\
Program.pdf).

So, how about an all India Meet this Christmas. Do you think we can have a four
day meet at some suitable location in India? It will be an awesome experience,
thats for sure!

Looking forward to your comments (We are already lagging behind by 28 years ;-)

Thanks,
JP

Chennai meet

Dear friends,
The next Chennai chapter meeting details are given below.

VENUE
MINI CONFERENCE HALL
Y.W.C.A.INTERNATIONAL GUEST HOUSE,
#1086, E.V.R.PERIYAR SALAI
( POONAMALLI HIGH ROAD ),
(ABOUT 1 KM FROM EGMORE RLY STATION) AND NEAR DINATHANTHI OFFICE
CHENNAI-600084.

DATE
10.07.2011 (SUNDAY)
TIME
4 PM TO 8 PM

Pl come with an story or an interesting incident you encountered in your life and narrate it in 3 min.
PL MAKE USE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY.

Regards,
Manimaran,
98842 89989.

Herbertpur meets

Like every Sunday, this time too 6-7 people were there. Muqarram, Vaibhav, Mr Baburam, Ajai, Nishu and myself. Since Vaibhav, a class 8 student was with us- we kept the pace and level of difficulty low. Gradually, we were talking of more complex things (two things bad about your brother..), standing up, at some distance from the group, in a higher volume. Some fun, some frolic, some feedback. Whenever my turn came, I felt like excusing myself, since I had a hectic week and weekend- but I did not dare to, since when facilitator does not participate at equal footing, participants too stop exerting themselves very soon.. A group has to have perfect democracy- and not just appearance of it..

Next day, Monday (today), Vineet phoned and apologized for missing the Sunday meet and requested for sometime. I was in Computer (DTP) class and discussing stroke, fill, order and grid lines.. I asked the DTP students if they would mind giving a little time to one of my young friends.. They kindly agreed. So, Vineet came and told them about stammering and the activities he does in our self help group (below). It was nice to see the big change in Vineet today - he was holding forth inspite of his dis-fluencies; Change in human beings is a subtle thing to observe and interpret. But always exhilarating. It always proves that change is possible for every one of us..

Another fun-filled SHG Meet

Four of us- Rahul, Yatin, Babaji and I (Harish) met today looking forward to a fun-filled SHG meeting. A friend was kind enough to lend us his office premises to conduct our meet.

We started with 5 minuites of meditation, to relax our minds and get refreshed for the meeting ahead. Getting started, we then had a round of speaking anything about ourselves by consciously using a technique. The idea was getting used to talking by using techniques, which we often find difficult in real world.

Then each of us shared a recent stuttering incidence and how we handled it. It was good to see that post the incidence; none of us had those dark spells of guilt and fret.

Then it time for a rapid fire game. In which we had to complete the sentence with any word that first comes to our mind. The sentence was: “I am a _______”.

After the rapid fire round, we had a similar round, but we could take time to think before talking. The theme of this round was- “If I was not a stutterer, then _____”. A great outcome of this round was all of us unanimously spoke about what we would have missed, if we were not stutterers. None of us had any grudges and regrets of being a stutters. The whole idea of this exercise was to realize that stammering is not too bad after all, and it has helped us into making a better person than what we would have been if we were not stutters.

Then it was time for some fun- Communication Games!

First we played a game called – “Freeze and Go”. Two of us had to enact a scene. The third person would shout – “Freeze” in the middle of the act, and both the role-players had to freeze. Then again the third member said “Go”, and this time, the role-players had to enact a scene which was completely different / opposite from the one that was being played. This game was aimed at learning to co-ordinate with your partner without having a chance to plan (impromptu). Rahul and Yatin started by playing a situation in which a Dentist(Rahul) is persuading his patient(Yatin) to get his tooth plucked, after a few “Freeze and Gos”, they were playing aliens from Mars. Babaji and Harish started by with a scene in which a karate instructor (Babaji) trying to teach a beginner(Harish), and ended up playing Gangster trying to threaten an innocent guy asking for a ransom.

In another game, two of us had to again enact a role-play. Other two had to evaluate and give their feedback. We then had to enact the same scene again trying to incorporate the feedback given in the evaluations. Babaji and Harish enacted a role play in which Harish tried to sell Babaji his watch. Rahul and Yatin enacted a similar scene, in which Yatin tried to sell his goggles to Rahul. The idea of this exercise was trying to prepare ourselves into putting into practice the feedback / suggestions that we receive from others.

Finally, each one of us gave a speech. Harish and Rahul had come prepared with a speech. Harish narrated the story “Izabella”, and Rahul spoke about four virtues required to learn Yoga. Babaji and Yatin were given impromptu situations on which they had to speak-

Babaji: If you were Anna Hazare, what would you say in your speech….

Yatin: If you were the Chief Minister of Goa, what would you say in your speech….

We then had a casual discussion, in which we discussed lots of things like Sujit (the PWS who participated in MTV Roadies) and things to do in SHG meetings. We parted away with a promise to meet again soon.

Stammering a disability?

We had had this argument sometime back- and there are strong adherents on both sides! Something to be said both for and against that position. But let us get the discussion more informed. Here is a pdf file submitted by Australia Speak Easy Association (ASEA), in collaboration with speech pathologists, to request the Australian government to accept that it is a disability, which deserves affirmative response, as in the case of other disabilities. Please read it and leave your comments:
http://www.pc.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0009/108585/subdr701.pdf

This is where you can see how the Australian government is going about this public inquiry :
http://www.pc.gov.au/projects/inquiry/disability-support

A Suggestion...

Here's a suggestion coming... Since TISA is a support group, it would be great if members could convey their availability (time and date) on particular days when they can afford to speak to some of other PWS across the country.

Many a times we have experiences, thoughts and opinions which we may hesitate to discuss with our parents or even friends, but would want to discuss it with fellow PWS. Or it may just be an attempt to come forward and talk to a freind who can relate to us with an ease. May be we could have a separate page on TISA blog, with a link on the right-hand-side, or even regular posts, where members can post the date, time (from and to), whether available on phone / skype / yahoo / gtalk messengers and contact details for contact.

Thanks Rahul for suggesting this idea...

Toh Zinda Ho Tum...

I was listening to a track from the movie "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara" called "Toh Zinda Ho Tum..." Liked the lyrics of the song, so created an image using one of my favorite photographs. Checkout the image and the lyrics. Hope you'll like it.

Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho...
Toh zinda ho tum.
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho...
Toh zinda ho tum.

Hawa ke jhonkon ke jaise aazad rehna seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise, leharon mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ek naya samaa dekhen yeh nigahaein

Jo apni aankhon mein hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho...
Toh zinda ho tum.
Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho...
Toh zinda ho tum...!

Credits:
Title "Toh zinda ho tum"
Lyrics by Javed Akhtar
Voice by Farhan Akhtar
Photograph and Image Editing by Suraj J. Bajaj.

I finally learnt to show off that I stammer !

I never stuttered right from birth. I was completely fluent, and a normal person till the age of 10.

Of Course there were few things that differentiated me from the average child, when I was a kid. I used to be fickle-minded, not being able to decide what to do in an exciting situation. I used to be very simple and down-to-earth. I used to trust every person too easily. I was afraid of darkness, height and strict family members like my dad and uncle. Because I didn't have too many friends, I spent most of my time with toys. I was always interested in the mechanical functioning of every toy that I got. I used to open them up and look what's inside, and learn what's that thing that's creating the lights and sounds and motion. My dad was an inspiration to me and tried to build up that analytical bent of mind in me. Experiments with toys and other appliances had made me fundamentally strong in the concepts of nature and physics. In school I enjoyed studying Science, because I had experienced almost all the concepts in reality through experiments.

I grew up to be very intelligent and bright, but I was weak in social responsibilities and interacting with people. It wasn't the stuttering. I was still a non stammerer and very fluent and never had I thought that someday I would have to struggle with my speech. But I was weak in making friends, being the apple of someone's eye (except my parents). I was a mischievous school kid, who would get punished every day by some teacher and would return home with dirty clothes. I used to be bullied by other students. And I often developed hatred for the guys who bullied me, and beat me up everyday. I sometimes felt lost, defeated and afraid. There was a strict and rough guardianship in our family, and I remember being often pressurized by parents to study. I wasn't allowed much play and recreation. For some years in my adolescence, I thought this was the reason for my stammering. But later I realized I was wrong. Even many other people have survived strict guardianship, but they don't stammer. I no more blame my parents for it.

The stuttering started when I was in class VI, and was around 10 years old. It started at around around mid of 2000 and I had become a severe stutterer by the beginning of class VII, in 2001. I can't still recall the reason.

I didn't take any treatments for it until class 10th, except those traditional methods that grown-up people suggested like keeping stones under the tongue, filling the mouth with water and speaking, reading the newspaper aloud. I wasn't interested in those exercises because I knew it wasn't something in my speech organs that was stopping me, it was in my brain. I was helpless about it, because only another stammerer would understand how it feels to stammer.

I took the first professional help in 2005, because I was going to matriculate from school and enter college. It was from a Speech Language Pathologist from a government institute for the hearing disabled. He asked me to practice slow reading, utter words with repeated syllables. He recorded my voice and played it to me, to show me how I stammer.

I practiced those exercises and I got outstanding results within the first week. I was completely fluent for 4-5 days. But the stammering returned again with greater severity in the following days. I was confused why it happened. I was helpless again. My parents didn't trust me and blamed me that I wasn't taking the speech exercises seriously. Eventually I quit speech therapy, and went through +2 isolated.

Those two years were the most frustrating years of my life, when I used to feel humiliated when I stammered. I thought I was weak, and that I could never feel like a normal person. I was frustrated, didn't take studies seriously, didn't want to try for a good future. I used to speak very less. But I realized that by then, the extent of stuttering had taken a cyclic trend. I used to become pretty fluent for a couple of days, and then used to stutter again severely. I lived with it for the 2 years.

After passing out if school in class 12th, I again consulted a SLP at a medical college here. He taught me the slow speaking style. He asked me to speak that way everywhere, in all situations and gradually increase the speed. I tried but always failed. I could follow his style in front of him, and with myself, but not with other people around me. He used to pressurize me not to stammer, and used to get irritated if I stammered on a single word. Still I tried a lot. In the next phase of his course, he took me as a 'subject' to his students, and told them to interview me. I was quite OK with them, because I was following the style, but the moment I came out of the place, I wasn't able to follow the style and stuttered again.

I joined College of Engineering Bhubaneswar, and in the first year I became very carefree. Made many friends, bunked classes, talked and laughed with them. I could suddenly feel a drastic improvement of fluency for a few weeks. I went out with girls, even was the life of the party for a few days. I was very happy that at last I was 'cured' of the disease. But no one could be happy for the four years. Exams arrived and my stammering relapsed again. This time even stronger. Through college, I went through variations in the level of stuttering, but the cyclic trend had disappeared now. It was random now. I could never figure out when I would stammer and when I would not. In 3rd year, I attended Stammering Cure Center in Bangalore after getting fooled by their advertisement that promised 'cure' in two weeks.

Although the two weeks at Bangalore helped me learn a lot from other stutterers. It was a relief for me to find I wasn't alone and that there were many stammerers who were leading a good life, and were actually successful. It was through a PWS I met there, that I came to know about TISA. After coming back from Bangalore, though I didn't have any noticeable improvement, still I was much relieved that I can survive, and that I was not alone. I decided to do good to my life, and try.

And here I am after the final year of engineering and securing a job in Infosys, waiting to join in a few months. I still stutter the same way, but I have gathered hope through my journey. And now I show off that I stammer ! I am happy that I have something that just 1% of the population has.

Is it a weakness? No. Not at all. I don't stop anywhere. I no more stay hungry, because I can not place an order. I'm no more afraid of public speaking, because I entertain my audience with the dis-fluency. I finally found a girl-friend who finds my stammer 'cute'.

The only thing that a stammerer needs is to stop feeling guilty and shameful and accept it.