Isnt it surprising....
I noticed this tiny conglomerate of words ((hope i m not doing too much torture to the readers here :-) with my efforts to make the post more interesting)) while reading another interesting mini biography of a stutter, although i havn't finished that yet.
Well it is not the review of this mini biography, u have to wait a bit to read that :-) i will post that sooner in another post
I am sharing this blog here today just because i had a little taste of 'Prideful Humility' today.It was a technical seminar today in my company organized by a team of an outside company.
The interesting thing here is that as soon as i got the information about this seminar,i was thinking about a set of questions that i would ask them during the seminar.Point to be noted here is that there was not any such boundation to ask questions, but being a stutterer & tried to hide it since a long time, i was feeling such a deep impulse from my inner self to ask questions there so that i can feel a bit light from the burden of fear of stammering.
After attending Vipassana,few osho meditation camps & now being a member of TISA, i was trying my best to cope up with my anticipatory fear of failure.Although it looked as if all my efforts till date had no stopping on my fear of stammering, but still i was not as restless as before.I was trying to keep my cool as the time of seminar arrives.
During the seminar, i observed that my listening capabilities were seized to a narrow limit as my maximum attention was just to get out of the seminar with asking my targeted questions (which were roaming in my mind from 1 week before the seminar).
When i entered the seminar hall, i was feeling quite relaxed & i felt that it would not be a too tough job for me to finish off with my questions.But as the seminar started, the graph of my confidence level started to fall down linearly.Anyways, i finished the seminar with 3 questions,more than what i had decided(2 questions).
Even though my voice was frightening with fear when i asked those questions (most frightened during 1st question), also the presenter was also not looking too enthusiastic to answer my questions (may be due to my fearful voice), but i completed my assignment.
So today i had a little taste of what i would called as 'Prideful humility'.
One thing here is that did i do the right thing by asking my pre decided questions???
Isn't is another way of taking your stuttering seriously & giving too much unnecessary attention to it????