July 22, 2014

Stammerers are over decent!! Is it so??

Talking to a number of PWS, I've come to know that we, stammerers are used to be over decent.We would use respect giving words like SIR or JI many folds then any non stammerer.

Is this super decency is due to lack of self confidence arising of the belief that we are less than others due to stammering?

We need to immediately change this mindset.It makes us vulnerable when we represent ourselves as poor lads who needs favors from others as we can't speak properly so please have some pity on us and spend some extra time to listen to us.

Go to hell!!!  If you don't have time to listen to me,,,,,,go straight and jump into hell.....I don't care and I am not going to give you a even the smallest piece of extra respect than you deserve just because I stammer and I may take more time to express myself.

I remember, once during a communication workshop practice session, I asked a young stammerer to go to a person and ask for some location.I also accompanied him to boost his confidence.When that young lad attempted for the speaking task.....he used sir..sir...sir..so many times that the actual content of his question got hidden behind these courtesy words.

Was it decency?








14 comments:

kumar kundan said...

If we make others feel good by saying 'ji' or 'sir',it is welcomeable..personally i dont feel that i give over respect to other may be unconsciously. :)

sachin said...

Sure- this too is ONE way of looking at things.. yes, there is no need to be apologetic about something which has no known cure, which is just a diversity...and yes, we should same way, accept others who could be different than us- and give them their due.. two way traffic..

sachin said...

But genuine politeness costs you nothing and wins you everything...we need to dig deeper and differentiate...

Dinesh said...

Practice being indecent in shg and see if it helps !! :-) [Courtesy Kings Speech]

(Outside SHG!!)
Be courteous -
Don't be apologetic and don't be hostile as well !! :-)

Dinesh said...

Practice being indecent in shg and see if it helps !! :-) [Courtesy Kings Speech]

(Outside SHG!!)
Be courteous -
Don't be apologetic and don't be hostile as well !! :-)

rameshbabu ginela said...

what ashish said is correct.from the childhood onwards we gave the over respect to the people aroundus and it increases our stammering.But from today onwards dont give over respect and treat them as just human being like you .if you think like this , it improves your speech a lot and i did the same thing in my recovery.

Ashish Agarwal said...

Here, I'm referring to OVER respect....i.e. pouring words filled of due respect unnecessarily....this is obviously a symbol of low self confidence and a hint to the other person that we are seeking a favor from him/her

Joy deep Majumder said...

One can be either decent or indecent ..their are no mid tones.. you cannot prefix it with.. no more..over.less..average..Its like binary .either you are Zero(Indecent) Or One(Decent).!!!

And if i am not wrong "Ji" is used in many parts of Northern India during active or passive communication..and i do not see any harm in that ..

Chill Akash..decency does not cost you anything..so offer it as much as possible..

sachin said...

Ramesh, you are still keeping your recovery story a secret... Come on, write that post as u promised.

Ashish Agarwal said...

but you see,I have listen to a number of young PWS, use of SIR or JI is more than the actual content. Sir,,,sir...i am from delhi, and sir...sir...i am doing this and sir ...sir.....

Such conversations simply means that your are having lower level of confidence and you are proposing yourself as poor lads who need special attention and favors from the listeners.

jasbir singh said...

Decency does not mean weakness.Further by being gentle we are quite at ease with ourself, which in turn helps in our speech.

sachin said...

Congrats Ashish! You have got the highest number of comments!
and the best blogger award goes to...
wait, sir ji, let me keep it a secret !!
ha ha ha ..

Joy deep Majumder said...

@ Ashish:

1.I think few of us also use "Sir" as just another filler tool ..

2.Few of us who are in the seeking their first or second job phase of their life perpetually live their life day in and day out in the interview room scenario..for them even a normal conversation triggers their interview mode and response system which pushes them to use words and tone which makes them more formal ..not just in terms of choice of words but also body language .Some choose the old school of being submissive ..a few choose the normal "seeking a job desperately mode " :)This is just a phase and should pass by when they reach other side of table :)

3. Then their is the fourth kind : Where we feel genuinely compelled to address some one as sir/Mam countless times out of sheer respect for their attributes !!

Ashish Agarwal said...

Oh really Doc?

Well, I am expecting something pleasantly surprising in this NC as do in last one...