February 24, 2017

Stammer Stories: Jaipur Comm WS: My Life with Stammering ~ Gaurav Medatwal

Hello friends, brothers and sisters. I am Gaurav Medatwal (26 year) from Beawar Ajmer.
I am one of those peoples who stammer.
I found myself stammering since my childhood
My parents told me that I was fluent speaker in childhood and I speak very fast but clear.
I had learnt Gayatri Mantra when I was of 1 yr. I don't have any idea about exactly when
And why I started stammering. I used to run from any situation of speaking since then.
During my school days I avoid book reading, taking part in stage acting ,debates, asking my doubts Talking to all the classmates and schoolmates as well as teachers. Although I get good
Marks but I was unable to express myself in school days, whenever I got into any fight with
Anyone they says phle bolna toh Sikh le. Had a lot of bad experience during school life. It was
Like hell living with stammering ,I was anable to even give my introduction to anyone , I don't
Found anyone stammering like me around. Although my father is homeopathy doctor  he was
Unable to cure my stammering. I have visited lot of other doctors with my parents but nothing works . I have seen my mother crying worrying about my future. My cousins, neibours
School mates copy my stammering in front of me and it was very embarrassing moment for
Me. I was hopeless but living my life with stammering.. I have lot of inside me which I want to
Tell many peoples ,I wanted to speak in public express myself but I was unable. One day my father found speech therapy institute at Amer in Jaipur . They have sent me there for one month
I learn prolongation there and after one month I found myself speaking very fluent and clear. I
Got more confident more energetic enthusiast and optimistic. I thought that I won biggest bettle of my life in very early age(15). Finally I cured my stammering . I was feeling like top of world very happy and my parents were also happy. Everyone telling me that I am speaking very good
Even better and fluent then normal speaker. But after few months it started again and even wrost then before .. I don't understand what is going on with me. I followed all the rules of
Speech therapy but I started stammering again. Hell it was. . After 1 year I was at same place from where I started . Then many times I gave weeks and months to my practice keeping myself
Locked in a room . And I got cured really again and again but it was very difficult to maintain that fluency . After 1 month I pulled back to the same situation. And my whole childhood ruined in it. 
Before going to college I again took speech therapy by same institute but the same story repeated itself for next 5 years..   got bad experience in college. Bunked lectures , presentations
Left debates, acting, Anchoring, avoid girls , seniors . Lived a life in which I speak publicly  very little only in emergency situation. Keeping my friends ahead for giving attendance, asking my doubts and even giving my introduction( Amazingly bad it is)..  this is more then hell. I feel like I am dependent on others. It takes 10 times time to asking for a ticket on ticket counter..  social sites really helped alot making myself social making friends , new girlfriends, and expressing myself. But when that girls ask for mobile number or meeting I was like shitt . Wt I gonna do now to hide my stammering. I always hide my stammering . Even i was full of sweat whenever I have to speak .. but the clock never stops time goes on..
During college placement times I assured that I got maximum marks in written exam round
to compensate my performance in interview .. and it works for me . I got job in IGI AIRPORT as electrical services engineer. But my struggle with stammering was still going on. In my job I have to make and recives many departmental calls and solve the technical issues by Automation controlling for which I was trained. I was doing my job good but talking on calls created issues for me. And I was kicked out of that job within a month. They gave reson that I stammer alot so they don't work with me anymore and promised me that they ll send on another site but this was their excuse they never called me again..   I was crying because everything got finished in my life that time. My knowledge my talents and skills abilities efforts degree all are waste without a fluent voice. Trust on God get overed. I have no courage to share this with my parents. But life goes on . I do another job of building automation engineer and in that I also have to meet clients make calls visit sites meet new people work overnites travel different cities but I was managing because I have no other option..  same time I was searching other methods to get over from this.
  One day I have seen a boy speaking on stage about stammering and the banner behind him"HAKLAAO MAGAR PYAR SE"  i was stunned by seeing that .. I was thinking what is that I have never seen this before a person talking on stage publicly everyone clapping for him he was stammering badly but he don't stop he was enjoying his stammering and people too.. I got his name in his introduction speech I Facebook that and found that guy. I asked him what was that where was that place then finally he gave me contact of DELHI SHG MEMBER.. and I go for my first sgh in March 2014 in Delhi central park. I had meet there many ppls with same stories and experiences and talking openly about stammering and enjoying their life . . By meeting Sikander Sir , Vishal, Amitji , Himanshu , Aashish Lakra and many other persons I feel really good . I have a wonderful experience with lot of them. One new word I hear with them was" ACCEPTANCE" .
I was totally unaware about this. Sikender sir tell me about acceptance in my 4th 5th shg meeting. Then I decided I never run from situation from now I have to face everyone and every situation courageously and get over my fear of public speaking .. then day by day I opened up myself about stammering.. I tell everyone about me in office  ,clients ,meeting, metros, new friends ,on social media  , new girls , to my boss , family members, copassengers .. and relise that it was U TURN for my life. I was getting over from my long years depression. I started enjoying doing this .. and till now I am working on it.. I lived in many cities in last 3 years Delhi , jaipur ,Ahmedabad, Jamnagar, Mumbai,and from last 1.5 yr in my hometown. But my way of thinking about stammering and my life is totally change. Now stammering doens't embarrassing me anymore .. I don't feel bad anymore when I don't able to give my introduction . All this I got from MY TISA JOURNEY. .

I am very thankful to Sachin sir, sikender sir ,Vishal and all my Tisa friends.


Satyendra Srivastava said...

Wow! I am speechless!

Gaurav Medatwal said...

Thankyou sir.. I am looking forward to meeting u in Jaipur workshop.