May 16, 2015

Marriage on mind?

Recently there was a discussion about marriage: Should a pws tell? Abhinav from Banglore SHG has shared his thoughts, (Ed)

Last night I was going through Indian PWS mail chain in which one member from TISA family raised his concerns about marriage

I read the entire chain and was shocked to see some of the responses like girls only look for money, if you have money no body cares about your stammering.

All these are false perspectives to console yourself about your perfect imperfections. Marriage is the very pious relationship in which two imperfect souls come together to live their life in meaningful and peaceful way. Every relationship demands patience, trust, mutual understanding and personal space. Stammering is just one part of our life and it is true that it affects us in mental, emotional and social level. If you think you can give your 100% to this relationship then you should talk to girl and her parents and come to the point of how you are living your life in spite of facing all the challenges. If girl and her parents are sensible, they will understand the issue and will take best possible decision for their daughter. 

In our Indian society, marriage has been considered as ritual. It is true that every one has physical, emotional, social and economical needs and that is why most of us decide to do marriage as it is the relation which is suppose to serve all these needs.  I strongly believe getting married should be the personal and conscious decision, rather than family decision. You must be 100% sure that you want to be in this relationship as there is no going back. Getting married and bringing one more kid in this world is a huge responsibility and upbringing a child is minimum 20 years project. If you think that you can take this responsibility in best possible way and your urges are really strong than only you should take this decision. 

Regarding stammering issue in marriage, marriages in Indian society are hypocrisy and ritual to the core, Every one needs perfect life partner, but no one knows the definition of perfect life partner. It has become more like a showoff and business for families rather than really caring about needs of their daughter and son when it comes to marriage. Every one is going towards the same rat race of doing engineering, then MBA, 7 or 8 digit salary in MNC, home loan for 20 years.  Of course 7 digits salary and job in MNC may bring some comforts in your married life, but in the end it depends only on guy and girl if they can accept each other with all their perfect imperfections and give 100% to this pious conjugal to sustain it effortlessly.

It must be your conscious decision to get married, not  because of family. If you think you are ready for marriage, then talk to girl directly mumbo jumbo. Explain her your shortcomings, discuss her shortcomings and see if both of you would like to be together for rest of your life. Your life will become miserable if you will not present true picture of your shortcomings to prospective bride as she may perceive your challenges differently. Please be honest with her.

Most of us in TISA family are in the same age group considered suitable for marriage. Almost every one has same question of stammering running in background when it comes to marriage. Acceptance is the very deep concept and it requires a lot of hard work and dedication to make it deeply rooted in our mind. Until we will truly embrace the acceptance concept in deep of our mind, not many things will change for us and this deeply rooted negativity will sustain forever. This self created negativity must go before entering into marriage. Hope you will lead a meaningful life with this pious conjugal and all the best for your soul mate search.


Mansi said...

Sachin sir, i totally agree with you. Negativiting must go and acceptance is very important....

Reuben Lopes said...

Well said...... Marriage is a life-long project