About my stammering experience.
Good evening my dear tisa family members. Myself shivaji .I live in Hyderabad. I am writing here about my stammering experience since childhood .I was born in a town in telangana state.Now I am 31 yrs old. I was born and brought up in a good family. My father use to tell that he had little bit of stammering , when he was child, but he has get rid of it by growing age. He was a fluent speaker. In my family ,I have 2 elder brothers. My brothers have the stammering problem. My elder brother stammering is somewhat more than my younger brother. My younger brother use to stammer more when he was child. He use to face the people without shame, fear and shyness, but I use to hide my stammering.when he became elder his 90% of stammering was recovered.He use to talk more without shyness. I think stammering is overcomed by facing the people or talking more without any fear,but my elder brother stammering is still present , and he stammers more than me.But he is a very confident person from childhood.My family was rich when he was child and my father use to bring what ever he ask and he was the dominant in our family.
Coming to my stammering story,I did not remember exactly when I was affected with stammering but I knew that from the age 5 I was stammering .When I ws 1st class we was shifted to rented house. My father got huge loss in the business.I did not able to pronounce the word “ muhurtham” in telugu. I use to tell “ murtham’.due to my fathers business loss also it affected me psychologically.I use to think myself we are very less. I was a clever student in the class. I use to speak with everyone without any fear .while when I was in 5th class , a sudden glitch (thought)happened in my mind. I thought while telling answers in the class I stammer, so why should I tell answers and stammer.at that point I stopped telling oral answers to teacher even though I know the answer. From that point of time my bad time started .I use to speak less in the class , always I maintain silence in the class and with relatives.I use to fear , If i speak what the other person think of me.At that point I stopped the question and answers also.( any way I am not going to tell the answers, why I should prepare the answers this thought came into my mind.
Basically I did not know whether I was a shy child or not or stammering made me shy child.But I am a very sincere and honest child. I think this is due to my family values. I never teased any friend in the school. I always use to sit calmly in the class. I was a covert stutterer.no body knows I have a stammering problem. Stammering is not a big problem in my childhood.rollcall is the problem in the class.any how I finished my schooling and entered into 10+2 . there I had a roll call problem.i used to manage that .nobody knows that I have a stammering problem in my inter.
Then I got engineering seat in osmania university,there introduction was very difficult to me. In first year every sir use to come and he ask us to introduce ourselves. Any how I use to manage there. In b.tech 1st yr telling roll call is problem to me.”present madam” and “yes madam” was difficult to me. I use to tell my friend to tell my roll call. In my b.tech 1st yr my fathers two kidneys are failed.He use to go for dialysis twice a week. It had affected me a lot. I entered in to b.tech 2nd yr and I worked as home tutor for 2 months .I use to meet my friends to get relief from my father’s illness and my stammering problem. I felt lot of loneliness at that time. Nobody is there to share my feelings. I side tracked my studies , concentration on studies was decreased.
In my 2nd yr 2nd sem my father was died.it affected me psychologically so much. I did not went to college for 1 month.when I attended class my body was present and mind absent. I failed one subject in my 2n d year 2nd sem.from there my downfall had started.
I entered b.tech 3rd yr there I use to bunk all the initial classes for 15 days .some sirs they use to ask the attendance to say the roll no. I use to ask my friends whether sir is taking attendance or he asking roll nos. later I meet each and every sir and tell them that my grandfather was sick and I am not able to come to class. And he used to remember my roll no.when he take attendance he never asks my roll no.
In b.tech every semester I was shortage of attendance .I was not enjoyed my college life.i am very much regretful for that.i use to go calmly to college and sit fearly what the people ask and girls are present in our class.i think myself I was very low.
I finished my b.tech with 2 backlogs. In knowledge no doubt I am far fom any other person in my college. I use to think always stammering.i met one psychologist Dr bv pattabiram he told stammering is a psychological problem.
I had lot of goals .lot of dreams to do MS in usa.so that in usa no body bother about stammering. I stopped my education at b.tch only.if we do m.tech In india we have to say roll call and seminars.
I joined in a software couse,I did it. I attended my first interview in reliance industries. In the interview I stammered a lot then I never attended any interview for 2 yrs. I always use to live in dreams.
Any how I got a job in chemical company. I worked there .i used to hide my stammering there. In 2010 I knew about tisa and I joined in it.2 to 3 times we met in shg along with raja poladi sir. In 2011 I attended parta bagchi stammering cure centre for 6 days.Because I have to attend a US visa interview for MS .there he thought about prolongation technique . but it is not good because he cant deal the stammering in all perspectives.in 2011 I practiced speech therapy for 3 months ,I use to speak some what fluently.i attended the US visa interview .i did nt got the visa, but I felt very much satisfied because I did nt stammerewd at visa interview.
I left my job and started for preparing psu exams ,I thought that I was not fit to private jobs.due to some family problems I was mentally disturbed . eventhough I am not a blogger in the tisa but I use to read all the blogs everyday.one day I read all the blogs written since its inception.
Since 2013 december onwards I started my own journey.i dedicated whole one year for knowing my self.i read so many articles, books ,videos on stammering. I read the book “ redefining stuttering” it was on eye opener to me.i felt ,I was there in the place of john c. harisson. It was such a wonderful book.while I was reading books I felt so confident, and I did nt stammered . in 2013 july I attended vipassana meditation course. It was such a wonderful course.after attending that course, I felt that we use to blame always on stammering but it is not correct, due to our way of thinking we failed in our life but not with stammering.
I gained lot of knowledge on stammering and I did lot of experiments on stammering.but I was not accepting my stammering.i use to attend shg meetings regularly. I attende NC 2014.I was the winner in the “nani pani” game and I was the winner in boom 1234 in the railway station we played.
By observing so many things and so many people, I felt that I am not less than anybody. Mainthing is due to lack of self confidence. I was failed in the life. When it comes to knowledge I have more knowledge. I am the member in sri sri ravishankar, pyramid mediatation, brahmakumaris, jaggi vasudev, vipassana. I read lot of books on osho, Anthony robbins books, personality development books , nlp.
I use to give speeches in the public. I attended c ommunication skills program in Ramakrishna math. Ther I gave a excellent specch for 2 minutes. Sir told that you are a confident speaker. My aim is to enter into politics. I use to always talk about politics, reading newspaper , talking about movies and heroes, world history Indian history , negative thinking.
This all has distracted my mind from my goal. Now I decided enough is enough . I have to accept my stammering whole heartedly and follow the tisa manual and do speech practice and concentrate only on my job carrer.i stringly say that due to our belifs, perceptions, intentions psychological we failed in the life and I use to stammer.i always think in negative way , wht the other person might think and I am a sensitive and emotional person. Now I started my second innings , iam conquering my each faer one by one.whatever I lost in my school and college.
I strongly say that “ I believe its our decisions not the conditions of our lives that determine our destiny.
I work on tisa manual regularly and I overcome stammering and eventhough I stamer but I speak without faer.
My heartfelt so much happy after writing this post , all the weight on my head come down.Now I am feeling relaxed.
Note: I think I can write my auto biography.
Title: Auto biography of a excellent communicator(stammerer)