September 11, 2014

Haklo’n ke Khiladi!!

Ha ha. haa…Hiee every one, mmmmyself A… A.. Atul Sigh from Lucknow. First of all Sorry for taking this long to write an article. Actually Life became quite busy here after the 3-day workshop in Ha.. Ha..Herbertpur last month. The workshop experience was so wonderfull that I can’t explain in words. There I realised the true potential of company of so many stammerers. One was from Gwalior, Other one from Neemuch. From Jammu, from Makrana, from Delhi, Aligarh, Roorkey, Kanpur, Bareily, Faizabad, Kota, Jaipur uffffffff(long list it is)… Patna, Haldwani, Aligarh, Jalandhar and ya ofcourse Lucknow...
List was even longer but Weather god compelled a few to cancel their journey. I was stuck in Haridwar when bus driver pulled hands and told he’ll not go ahead with such a few passengers and in such a weather. Surely it was raining like never but not more than our Determination. So managed somehow, 15 min. argument with bus driver & a taxi was arranged & I reached Dehradun @9:15 PM.
Then I realised “Yar abi to yaha se vikasNagar jana hai!!” was pretty exhausted but seated in bus singing “and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep”. Asking people, & Google baba finaly reached to Hotel Guru Kripa @11:15 pm where my roomies were waiting me for dinner. Cellphone’s battery meter was saying 2%.... Called dad told I reached, pat comes reply ”Kaha to tha Delhi me ruk k aaram karte, 15 ko PM ki speech sunte aur ghoomte, Par tumhe to DEHRADOON jana tha  !!! Accha khana kha k so jana subah baat karte ”. But I knew how important this workshop was for me.
Whole night I was thinking is it good to put such an effort, travelling such a long distance, ruining all plans of friends and ending up with few peoples I never met for an event called communication workshop. But when I woke up in morning, greeted by a boy whom I didn’t meet in night. And I came to know that smiling boy is Straightaway from Gwalior, came @1:30 AM & he was also a newbie like me. We were chatting how he managed to take lift from totally strangers in midnight(as after 9:00 there is no bus from Dehradoon, mine was the last one) and came in time to attend the workshop.
Well i won’t bore you all with my wonderfull experience in workshop as you all can read it on other articles. It was just like a dream environment where you can stammer freely and as much you can. Actually we were having competition that who can stammer more.
Coming to my past, I developed stammer when I was in 3rd or 4th standard. And by 6th I became fulltime stammerer. Bunking schools in oral tests, persuading friends to attend my roll call, Literally avoiding each&every situation where I have to use my speech. Became quite silent person, cause I know if I’ll speak I’ll stammer, and if’ll stammer rest of the world with their arsenal to fire their advices, cures, “Nuskha’s”, and more over their tease. I was just fed up with everyday advices like be confident, don’t get nervous, pull your toungue, stretch it (like it’s a rubber band huhh).
I grew up with advices like”muh me kalimirch rakha karo” & all that crap. By the time i passed +2 I became quite a stubborn. I remember in our farewell I have to come on the dais and just say my name, class-section and optional subject. I still remember i thought I would say it in very catchy manner like “ Hi boys & Girls myself Atul singh from Twelth PCB aur maine vaykalpik Vishay k roop me apni matrabhasha ka chayan kiya hai”…. But after breaking 3 times the line and going back 3-4 students I have to come on stage when I was second last in the row. I somehow managed to be on dais with heart trobbing like a machine gun, handed over the microphone, was stand still for 2-3 seconds when I realised now I have to speak anyhow.
I closed my eyes remembered the phrase and…………..(Nice suspense na??) I just managed to say A…. A…… Aaaa…. Aaatul singh frm 12PCB. Listening the huge laughter of students who were junior to me I came down the dies. But being a Stubborn I smiled ear to ear to everyone, When I heard one new teacher in school who was teaching some subject to junior classes giggling with one of her colleague “Use dekha, uski cassette fas gayi thi stage pe”. I thought of going to her & say her on face that its not good to make fun of anybody’s problem, but I dint...
Well I graduated and now pursuing MCA-last sem and was quite very well developed some tricks to mask &/or package my stammer in day-to-day life and to a some extent ACCEPTED my stammering. I was not active member of TISA by then, just visiting blogs, & surfing net for stammering related articles. I freely talk about my speaking challenge with friends & others and life was going till one day while I have to give presentation in front of 8-10 people, and I ended up in quite a long block. I felt very helpless. I somehow completed that presentation. Everyone looking at you, some new people, some friends, some seniors, You are in a business presentation where your performance not only decides your career but also to your colleagues business and You are stammering like hell. I didn’t sleep whole night.
This one incident took me back to my school days' state. Kept on surfing internet whole night thinking I would have to do something concrete now. Became active in TISA family & one day got news about the workshop. So that was my journey to the workshop but what next?? What happened after I came back from Workshop?
Janne ke liye padhte rahe mera blog ;-)


abhishek said...

Tumne to mujhe mera pehla workshop yaad dila diya..:).. You have great writing skills..Keep it up..

jasbir singh said...

Wonderful Atul. Keep giving vents to your feelings like this. This is the best therapy and first step towards acceptance.

Atul singh said...

Thanq all... Its such a proud to be a part of TISA Family. Again thanx to all for letting me realise my true potential.

Er. Umesh said...

Dear Atual you have very excellent writing skills. we stammerers wont get enough opportunities to express our self by mouth so we become good in expressing our self by writing. Eager to meet you in NC!!

Atul singh said...

Thanx all again, Sorry bro can't attend this NC have some family work in same dates. But ya surely next time