January 25, 2014

Learning acceptance

            It was a few days back when I learned a lesson. There had been snowfall in shimla. I was going to my office on my motorcycle. I managed to ride bike on small patches of ice here and there till I came across a fairly long patch of ice uphill. I observed that even the tyres of cars were skidding at that portion of the road. It was when I slowed down and planted my feet on the ice below that I realized that even my shoes were slipping. I wondered how to ride the bike on that icy patch.

           Just then I watched a person strewing sand on ice.He must have been around 50 years of age with very little schooling. I asked him whether my bike would slip on ice . He informed that if I ride my bike on sand then the tyres  wont slip. I realised that he was a stammerer. I decided to be his "teacher" by giving him techniques like bouncing, prolongation etc.Sometimes we are adamant at helping other stutters, whether they want our help or not!

             To break the ice between us, I asked him whether he has problem in speaking. He replied 'yes'. I told him I also have problem in speaking. Then he spoke in Hindi:-



            " ये तो भगवान कि मर्ज़ी है।  ये उसका तोहफा है।  इसलिए कभी भी हकलाहट को लेकर दुखी नहीं होना चाहिए। " (It is God's will. It is his gift. Therefore never become sad due to stammering)
I immediately dropped the idea of  "teaching" techniques to him. Instead I learned from him acceptance of stammering and he reminded me how to accept stammering as a matter of fact, without any remorse. He seemed to be at peace with his life ,his work and most importantly, his stutter. On the other hand many of us are highly educated but still we look at stammering as our biggest enemy. We look at stammering with anger, hatred and remorse.Why cant we be at peace with our stutter?

          I requested him to push my bike on that slippery portion of road. He gladly agreed to help me .I thanked him and proceeded towards office. I thanked him not only for helping me maneuver that icy patch of road but also for reminding me of acceptance.

4 comments:

sachin said...

Yes - that is an important point: respecting others and not forcing our views and our "techniques" on others..
If someone is at peace with himself, why should any one disturb him..
This is what we need to learn - being at peace with ourselves.
Of course we need to and we must work on our communication and social skills - because these are needed by everyone whether we stammer or not..

Manimaran said...

yes, I agree with Sachin's post. We should not force anyone to learn this or that techniques if the pws is already at peace with himself.

But this is not the case for the present youngsters to whom their parents (especially poor) spent lot of money for given good education and expecting their sons to get better jobs.
From my experience, some kind of fluency is required to get a decent job.

So, I started teaching techniques to those interested pws at the Chennai centre. I will also tell them that primary importance has to be given for acceptance of their stammering. Without accepting, nothing would work out.

But, some pws read lot of articles in the internet,learned lot of "UNNECESSARY KNOWLEDGE" on stammering and were always asking many unnecessary questions.

To such pws, I use to advice that learning basic knowledge about stammering is sufficient and more "UNNECESSARY KNOWLEDGE" would confuse them only.

I am giving advice to them not to talk about past miserable life because of stammering, accept their stammering,identify suitable technique, practice for one hour daily for one year,attend SHG meetings regularly, conquer stammering and the world becomes their's.
Let us make it simple and complicate it.

Kushal Batabyal said...

Good and Informative post, Abhishek.

Kushal Batabyal said...

Good and Informative post, Abhishek.