Are you a boiling
Frog?
This
story is commonly used as a metaphor to relate the inability of
people to react to significant changes that occur gradually.
If a
frog is placed in a pot of boiling water, he will frantically try and
jump out. Instead if you place him in a pot of cold water that is
slowly heated, it will float there peacefully. As the temperature of
the water slowly rises, the frog is not able to perceive the danger
and allows itself to be boiled to death.
Lessons
to learn: It’s not the problem of
stammering that makes us a boiling frog, but the search to find quick
fix solutions and lack of practise does. We are now so habituated to
try different speech techniques that we give up on them within a few
days without sufficient practise and inclusion in our daily life.
This
has become a new norm in our life, to constantly whine about
stammering, criticising that a particular speech technique (viz. Slow
speech, bouncing or prolongation) doesn’t work. This slowly
changing trend amongst stutterers is what makes us a Boiling frog.
My
Story:
Hello
folks
I
would like to introduce myself as SJ Shyam (SJ = Stutter Jockey, as
we in Mumbai SHG would like to identify ourselves as). Though born
and brought up in Mumbai, my roots are from Kerala. I am a graduate
in Mgmt studies from and currently employed with a premier financial
services firm in Mumbai.
Like
most of us in the group, Stammering for me has been hereditary with
common problems of not being able to answer attendance calls, fear of
speaking with strangers and forced introvertism. It was in the 2nd
std, that my mom took me to a speech therapist where I was taught
breathing & prolongation techniques, but to financial
restrictions was not able to continue the therapy. Based on these 2
techniques I happened to sail through my school & college
leveraging on my good academics & artistic skills.
Come
2004 I started off with my first job which brought me extra money and
from there the quest for fluency. In the past 8 years I have tried a
lot of things viz. Voice Culture, Public speaking, Accent training,
teaching at NGO’s, joined career network groups .etc. All provided
some relief, but never made me 100% fluent. The dream always seemed
distant and illusionary. At work, I was promoted to managing a team
and that added an extra pressure on me to communicate fluently. I
slowly slipped into “These techniques
are a waste and are not working” or
the boiling frog syndrome.
In
2011, I approached a speech therapist for the 3rd
time and this time I selected a therapist who was also doing her Ph.D
in Speech Language Pathology. Hoping that she will provide me
customised exercises and that I will benefit from her Ph.D research,
my quest was quickly diminished when she provided me the same old
breathing and slow speaking exercises for practise. Frustrated, I
opted out of her therapy and started browsing the web for cure on
stammering, that’s when I found the TISA Yahoo group and blog.
From
Boiling Frog to a Frog Prince – June 2011 and beyond
I
joined the TISA yahoo group in June 2011 and quickly got in touch
with Vaibhav and Romi from Mumbai, who supplemented me with vital
information about TISA and their activities. During those times, SHG
meetings were not held in Mumbai and so I and Vaibhav used to have
regular meet ups in Vashi. To lay the foundation for starting the
Mumbai SHG, we made a pact between ourselves that we will spend a lot
of time reading through materials on TISA blogs and the web so that
we are better at facilitating SHG meets. During our meets we used to
discuss articles on stammering, share our problems and discuss
possible solutions to the same.
It was
in one of these reading materials wherein I got introduced to the
concepts of
1.
Accepting your Stammering, and
2.
Stammering can only be controlled not cured
I
began experimenting & implementing this concept in my personal &
professional life with great success. For the first time in my life,
I stopped worrying about my stammering and started leading my life
meaningfully. The goal of becoming a fluent
speaker (focus only on Verbal skills)
was replaced to becoming an effective
communicator (focus on Thinking, Verbal
& Non Verbal skills)
Like
the story of the Princess and the Frog, the magic spell on the Frog
was broken after the princess kissed the frog and the frog turned
into a Prince. In my case, I got kissed by these 2 concepts and it
broke my boiling frog syndrome. The Frog has been transformed into a
prince – A confident, courageous and assertive one
In
March 2012, SHG meets got restarted in Mumbai and that’s when I met
other members - Ritesh, Romi, Benett, Gaurav, Amey and Ravindra.
These meetings were initially facilitated by Romi, but due to work
commitments he ceased to attend. Since April 2012, I have been
coordinating and facilitating the Mumbai SHG which used to be held in
Five Gardens, Matunga every Sunday.
Though
our web presence (TISA Blog & Yahoo group) is very minimal, we
Stutter Jockeys (aka Mumbai SHG members) are now a very seasoned and
active bunch, meeting up every fortnight. We have an active
participation of 8 – 9 members every meet. A further 15 members are
connected 24*7 on whatsapp group. (More info on Stutter Jockeys to
follow in future posts)
To
conclude my post, I would like to thank Sachin, JP & Manimaran
for their coordination and active patronage to TISA. You guys have
definitely been a change agent, to make the world a better place for
us to communicate.
Cheers,
SJ
Shyam
You
can reach me at +91-9892018162
Sources:
(Welcome to blog race! we have been waiting for YOU jockeys! And many thanks for telling us that TISA has been a princess in your life!! -sachin)
6 comments:
I went thru your post again and was impressed by your conclusions; let me repeat them because they are so true and important:
Instead of practising what we know, we are always looking up for new techniques- in the hope that they will be easy and "fast".
Therefore, in an ongoing search after that "perfect" solution, we refuse to come to terms with facts and are NEVER at peace with ourselves.
This running away from truth completely overtakes us. Very few of us dare to talk about "hereditary" nature of our problem (as you have done- bravo!).
Therapists, always try to "help" us but it never works. Certainly not as well as, when you succeed on your own, with your own efforts and with understanding of what you are doing and why..
SJ- you have done a great job of summarising huge chunks of learning..
Thank you!
Wow Shyam Ji thanks for this..........
wow shyam
very nice
Wow Shyam Very good
Very refreshing article Shyam!
We lose good part of our life chasing fluency as "THE Goal" in life. This actually stunts our overall growth and only adds to the problem.
This article very nicely brings out that
"What do you do (and how you do) is more important than how do you speak"
Expecting more such wonderful articles from you.
Hi...Great article....i was looking forward to it and i must say the patience has paid off.....well i am also waiting for the next step (as we discussed)......
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