The day was thursday, I was in 10th standard, the joy of finishing up my half yearly examination was mesmerizing. I was wearing a wrong uniform because my grandmom was not able to wash my dull green skirt. I was already punished wherein i did what they call now as "squats" but with my hands clubbed to my ears. 40 students rushed through the small door, as the bell rang in continuum with seconds hand of my clock. There were 40 heartbeats, but i could hear only mine. Out of 40 possible smiles, i could see only 39.
My hands were in perfect sync with my heartbeat. Tossing the pages, i was trying to remember which chapter was it and which stanza was mine. There arrived our teacher, oh she had already smacked me twice, remembering that very day made me breathless. It was my turn now. I heard a voice reading it, softly, smoothly and steadily. My heartbeat was growing rapidly along with each line she read. And then came my turn. Being brave, I stood up like braveheart, the sentence said "mitra has rahe the." Oh i could read, i could read, i could read, but only in my mind? Instead of tuning my mind to help me say the sentence, my mind said " why my friends laugh at me, why my sister laughs at me, why no one cares, why no one makes me try, why no one knows what i am going through". This was the first time my stammering affected me so deeply.
6 years of suffering, i got nothing. My only shadow was My luck, always there with me when no one was around. Despite of losing myself to stammering, i always knew that "when you play game of thrones, you win or you die". At night, I would cry like Sansa Stark but in the morning, i was always a Tyrion. I knew i was born to win. After all, only brave men win and a man can be brave only when he is afraid.
The next thing i knew was i didn't want to be afraid, i didn't want a hole into my chest, i didn't want the fear to destroy me. I was born again like Jon Snow: confident, fiery and intense. I decided to give speeches, one stanza at a time. It used to take me like forever just to speak a single line, but i never escaped, i never drowned and most importantly i never died everyday.
Two jerks, one petite and one with huge appetite used to make fun of my stammering. I hated them and that hate consumed me. It consumed me like a cancer, i wanted to cut the cord, i wanted to break the cell, i wanted to fly freely. And that is when i wanted to meet my angel, my mother, i knew i could lie beside her and she will do everything in this world to wipe my tears. I searched, searched and searched. I found nothing and i hated everything. Dejected and devastated, those hopes were left all high and dry.
I cried and i survived, the reality- i denied and i survived, i died and i survived.
These were a few of the many lives i lived in this lifetime. Today i am living my grandfather's dream, even if not my own. Today i see myself in every human being, i see the way they cry, they laugh, they loathe and they love, like i cry, i laugh, i loathe and i love.
They call him a braveheart, who won the battle but lost himself, who lived for them but died with them. Well i am a braveheart, i lost the battle but not myself, i died for them but i still survived.
I will conclude the speech by quoting from the movie Braveheart: To be yourself, in the world that tries, night and day, to make you just like everybody else...is to fight the greatest battle there ever is to fight and never stop fighting...
Its from one our shg friend, thanks for letting me publish!
One of the Sharings of the shg - Candid, humorous and Inspiring..