February 12, 2016

Stammering is a Blessing, an Opportunity for Learning and Growth

Dear friends, this is Prasannajit. I have collected some knowledge from different sources and I want to share that with you.
Analysis of Stammering
CAUSE: Root cause of stammering is fear, stress and pressure. Fear of what people will think/say. Pressure to speak instantly, speedily like others to prove that you are a fluent speaker and to finish speech as soon as possible. Any person when stressed beyond a limit, stammers. Stammers remain very much stressed and depressed due to their stammering. All these fear, stress and pressure come out in form of stammering. So stammering is nothing but a manifestation of inner stress n fear. Fear is always in mind (sub-consciousness).

WHAT HAPPENS AT THAT VERY MOMENT: When someone asks you something, your conscious mind wants you to speak up but subconscious mind hold you back, bcoz it fears that people will laugh at you like before and so it directs body’s survival mechanism to spring into action and hold you back. Now there is a conflict. Articulators experience the two opposing forces at a time, so they stuck and can’t move as they should. And the outcome is disfluent speech, stammering. So stammering is basically an unintentional and unrequired misuse of survival mechanism, thinking about an imaginary fear.
SOLUTION: You need to remove the causes. First is fear. Stretch/open-up and smile all day long with/without any reason. Smile and fear can’t co-exist. Make eye contact while speaking. It gives you confidence. Confidence and fear can’t co-exist.
Second is stress. Do meditation. Meditation is present moment awareness. It is nothing but to be aware of things going on right now right here and accepting them willingly and whole heartedly without any judgment.  Resistance leads to persistence (of negative things), acceptance leads to disappearance (of negative things). Negative emotions disappear with witnessing. However the better news is that good emotions increases with witnessing.
Third is pressure: Speak spontaneously without thinking. Speak with pauses and taking breaths and let the words come out on their own. Don’t force the words. While talking, be in present and be total aware of the situation, people, your thoughts, and things going on in your body.

Now some additional tips
Ø  We normally think, “If I achieve A or if A happens, then I will do B”. Ex: If I talk fluently, I will be happy and smile. Ex: If I achieve fluency with friends, I will talk to people in authority. The trick is: “Do B and A will automatically happen”. Ex: If you start smiling, you will talk fluently.
Ø  The only way to escape any problem is to face that problem. Face the fear to make it disappear! Action cures the fear. Repeat actions again and again till your fear goes away completely. Take actions (just speak up) without thinking much.
Ø  Fear can’t make you fear anymore, once you face it boldly. By approaching a feared situation, either you win or you learn. So there is never any reason to hold back to approach situations in life.
O son of Kunti, either you will be killed on the battlefield and attain the heavenly planets, or you will conquer and enjoy the earthly kingdom. Therefore, get up with determination and fight.                   (Bhagavad Gita 2.37)
O dear! Either you will talk fluently and enjoy the beauty of fluency or you will stammer and learn where you made the mistake. Therefore, go out with determination and talk.
Ø  Love yourself the way you are. It will cure your fear. Love, accept n thank yourself as a stammerer without any shame. The moment u start self-acceptance/love, your self-confidence starts shooting up by itself automatically, your stammering starts melting away.
Ø  Say smilingly “thank u” to each n everything, especially to your stammering, fear, pressure, stress n anxiety. Thank all living and non- living things the whole day. You can refer a book “Magic” available online.
Ø  Be in present. Remain 100% conscious while speaking. Be fully aware of surroundings and people with whom you are talking. Don’t let your automatic mode start.
Ø  Don’t attach any thought with your speech.
Ø  Doing a new thing is difficult initially. You forget repetitively. But with a little conscious practice it becomes automatic and easy.
Ø  Fighting never solves any problem. Fighting creates/attracts more fighting. Whenever any negative thought comes, say thank you to it. Say thank you to the negative situations. Whatever is happening to you, is correctly happening and for your benefit only.
Ø  Pain/ suffering is the only teacher. Be thankful to them always. Give them the respect of teacher.  Say thank you to stammering. Be thankful and say thank you to sufferings. And they will vanish.
Ø  The best way to solve all problems in life is to be THANKFUL for everything with a heartfelt SMILE... Just start today: "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU" with a BIG SMILE to every little experience of your life.
Ø  Remember, If You Believe It and you believe that you deserve it, then You Will Achieve It! You get what you believe you deserve not what you desire. If you start believing that you deserve more success, automatically you will get more success.
Ø  You can’t love and help others if you don’t love and help yourself. Trust yourself, trust your abilities always. Accept and love yourself the way you are.
Ø  Had you not have the problems which are currently in your life, you would have some other problem bcoz the sum has to be zero. If you had not stammering, then you would have any other issue say weak health. So why you are taking tension?
Ø  Each and every problem in your life comes to teach you something, to help you grow. So they are teachers. Be a sincere learner and learn from them. Respect them. Be grateful to them. Positive situations hardly teaches you something, many times you get so much attached to them that you make mistakes. Ex: Money mostly brings arrogance which makes you do wrong and you get sorrow finally. On the other hand problems take you on the path of spiritualty and makes you happy, successful and stronger. Start learning, start living.
Ø  For you specially, you deliberately go and talk with people i.e. you go and talk from your side. When you, approach fear from your end, fear has no way but to leave you quickly and permanently. Kisiko itna bhi mat darao ki woh darna hi chhod de. Currently what you are doing is, you are waiting for situations and people to come to you. Don’t wait, rather you go to them. Action cures fear. Knowledge cures fear. Practice cures fear. Repetition cures fear. Make mistakes confidently. Mistakes give you opportunity to learn.
Ø  Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Sometimes automatically our mind starts visualizing things which we fear, which we don’t want. Trick is to consciously visualize vividly/ focus /think on what we want so that mind will not automatically think the opposite things. Secret is that mind can’t think two opposite things simultaneously. EX: Normally when a feared situation comes, your mind automatically starts visualizing you’re stammering and suffering. So at that time you first focus on those negative things which are coming to mind automatically, be aware of them, and simply watch them without any judgement. They will go away. Don’t fight with them. Now start visualizing positive things (speaking fluently and confidently.)
Ø  Laugh on others stammering. See people stammer in youtube videos. Make your own comedy stammering video. Watch and laugh.
Ø  Jindagi jab bhi rulane lage, toh aap itna haso ki dard bhi sarmane lage. Aur nikal na payien ankon se ashun kabhi, aur naseeb bhi majboor hoke hasane lage.

Contributed By: Prasannajit.

Editor's Note: 
The post is a personal opinion of the writer, which was contributed on mail, and not that of TISA.
TISA believes that stammering is a neurological disorder with no known medical cure till date. 

However, acceptance and self-help will help a great deal to conquer the stuttering mindset. We do not necessarily have to be fluent, but we should strive to be good communicators. Off course, trying out all other things that helps you is also part of this journey. For eg. writing such articles like our friend Prasannajit. 

Thanks Prasannajit for contributing this detailed writing. We appreciate your efforts for putting this all together. All the best!




sachin said...

Congrats Prasannajit! Great analysis.. but dont stop. Keep learning. Stammering is like that old Indian wisdom story: Five blind men and the elephant. There can be many "readings" of the same indefinable TRUTH.. in this case, our good old "stammering"!! Keep writing and sharing..

Suraj Kumar said...

Great Very Good Prasannajit, Your article requires to be read daily before starting of a day. You must have spent a lot of time and energies in writing this wonderful piece of article. Moreover you have given some wonderful solution to the fear, stress and pressure problem.

You beautifully explained the approach-avoidance conflict by using analogy of conscious and sub-conscious mind. I really liked it.

Now I have some suggestions and doubts. For doubts, I would like to contact you, so please share you details with me at surajdhunna@gmail.com or 09654506719

I have just one improvement to suggest. In your first paragraphs, you mentioned about the cause of stammering. You explained fear and pressure but you didn't explain stress. Is stress derived from fear and pressure? If yes then, it's not an independent variable (Sorry I am an Engineer and Future Economist :)). Considering the research that you have done to write it, I think you must have gone through a theory known as "The Stuttering Hexagon". I have wrote an article on it recently on this blog. Please go through it and review it. I think pressure concept is somewhat missed in this hexagon theory.


Prasannajit Khatua said...

Thank you Sachin sir and Suraj ji for your kind words.

Rahul Dhobi said...

Very motivational article !! thumb up.. Keep motivating .. :)