September 6, 2015

Pushing Myself in Life

I don't know why I am writing this now, maybe because of the guilt of managing to have just 4 posts on my blog in 3 years, or maybe I really wanted to, but, that is not important. What is, that, I no longer give a damn about the way I speak. It can be taken as an exaggeration but it really doesn't matter (my blog, my point of view! haha). To some extent I have reached that point where explaining myself (when I am talking) is more important than my stutter. It really doesn't bother me, when I am getting stuck or not. Maybe I have become more reluctant towards the stammer or maybe it is, the other way round, i.e. that I have focused almost all my energy on the content of the talk and at times I even forget the way I am talking (which used to be  big concern for me). To be honest I don't know. I have not done anything to make it happen, rather what I have done in past couple of years is, I have focused my whole energy on adding dimensions to the person named 'Mohit Jaiswal'. I took up hobbies in arts, in sports I took up a new game, academically I have pushed myself to such horizons which I never imagined were there (few people who still are in touch might be knowing, what I am talking about), I took up more responsibilities in my family and what not (I could go on, but this would make the post tediously long and boring :P ). The point is, the more I pushed myself in various directions, the more I grew and the more I stretched myself, it made me a more resilient person. That resilient person who doesn't get as excited (in a negative way) as he used to get a couple of years ago. The negative emotions of fear, loss, pain, insecurity, vulnerability still haunts me, but to a certain extent I have minimised their effects on me.

I realised this today, when I was trying to convince my dad about a certain critical advice tendered by me. What was important for me at that time, was, to convince him, rather than the way I was talking. The blocks, the repeated murmur of syllables nothing mattered. What I wanted then was to just convince my dad, (which I obviously did) and when amidst the conversation this thought cropped in my mind, 'dude you are having your blocks!'. To this my mind replied, 'it doesn't matter'. After that, what happened was, unbelievable. Instead of having several more blocks (progressing into chain effect), it turned out to be one of my most convincing conversation, I ever had with my dad.

There was a similar incident a couple of months ago. It was a normal day at office when I was suddenly asked to give an orientation lecture to a group of college student about what we do in our department and how we contribute to the organisation. It was a 10 min prior notice to lecture them, and me being typical Mohit tried to escape out of the situation. But, when I finally couldn't avert that responsibility, what I did was, I told myself, 'good or bad you have to do this and it doesn't matter how you are going to do this, the point is you have to do this, so better start recollecting things that you will be saying' and suddenly the panic of giving the orientation lecture withdrew, I started collecting broad points on which I was supposed to speak, and in no time I was there giving them that lecture with more confidence than what I have ever professed in public speaking. It went more smoothly than what I had expected, the reason being, I didn't put much thought into what is not in my control (my stammer) but rather what is in my control, i.e the content that I spoke about. That is what I did today, in that conversation with my father. It seems like good signs onto this never ending road to perfection.

Kudos to my approach of pushing myself in every dimensions. Some way or the it has been helping me in becoming a better, more confident and a more knowledgeable person with or without stammering.

Link to my Blog:
 http://mohitstammer.blogspot.in/2015/09/i-dont-know-why-i-am-writing-this-now.html


9 comments:

sachin said...

People who have questions like - what is acceptance? What can it do for me? Why tisa is CRAZY abt accpetance - should read this post at least hundred times!
Thanks Mohit! You have cracked the De Vinci Code finally... Congrats!

sachin said...

On second thoughts, I think, "Hundred times" was an understatement...!

sachin said...

Mohit, I have fixed the link...

ABHISHEK KUMAR said...

great article... Even Sachin sir has suggested for reading 100 times .....

Mohit Jaiswal said...

Thank you Sir. But, I didn't get you. Which link were you talking about?

sachin said...

Link to ur post was not working...fixed it. No prob. Keep writing...

M said...

great post...same thing happened to me during PhD seminar, i had blocks after every two words but i was determined enough to speak (with stammering) rather than avoiding it or crying..

Kudos to you!!!

nishil shetty said...

Thanks for sharing mohit :)

jasbir singh said...

Well done and congratulations Mohit.
There is a saying:
Avoid the Fear , it Grows.
Face the Fear , it Goes.

Keep it up.
All the best.
Have a nice day.