Morning Walk @ 3 AM

Many months ago i went to a pyschiatric and he told me to start morning walk . So i woke up at 6 am and went to park and found there were so many people so i came back . Next day i woke up at 5 am and again people were there so i again came back . Next day i woke at 4 am and oh my god still few people are there . Finally i woke at 3 am and founded that nobody was there and then i started my morning walk . And from then i used to go for morning walk daily at 3 am and did it for a month . After that i dropped the idea of morning walk because of my laziness .

Stammering has changed my over all psycology . Sometime i ask myself -- Gorav Datta is having stammering or Stammering is having Gorav Datta . Come on now i am about to be of 25 years in just few days. When will i wake up and fight for myself . Why am i so scared and feel intense shame and guilt day after day , hours after hours .

Now am so used to my lonelyness and even if soneone tries to be my friend or tries to help me out i simply say leave me alone .May be this darkness seems to be so familiar . May be i am born to be lived in darknessss foreverrrr n everrrr ...

I used to think of comitting suicide and when i told that to my father i got a very tight slap on my face :(

Now after going for Vipassna now i know that if u commit suicide i will be immediately send back to this world and my new life will be according to my emotions or thought at the time of  my death . This means new life will even more worse than this .
Now neither i am enjoying being alive nor i can die . Lets see were my life will end .

Just Breathing Is Not Living

~~ Happy diwali to all ~~