November 25, 2012

i hate myself :(

Sometime i really feel that why there is so self hatred in me . I think myself as a useless creature . Having no importance or value of my own . And everybody else seems to better than me . I am negative , unfriendly , asocial , lazy , immoral , non sence creature ,timid ,unsecure, born to give pain to other ( especially my parents ) and get pain from . I am born to live a miserable life .

And people sometime says oh so u stammer oh poor guy but you must be having some extra ordinary qualities . Then i say sorry i have no extra qualities either neither am i good in studies or in sports or any other extra curriculum activities . This disappoints me even more .

Then some people says dont worry every thing will be ok . Have fun because Zindge melege na Dobara .
No no i dont want another , my god one life is enough and i am fed up .

3 comments:

sachin said...

If being able to see one's own failings and talk about it openly- is not an extraordinary quality, then what is? I wonder..
IMHO, this is the beginning point of every journey, every change..
Keep at it, till you signal turns GREEN..
Best wishes!
(BTW Computer class is waiting!)

lalit said...

hi Gorav believe me i was also in is phase of life when i was in college..that time i was under speech therapy,in which i have to speak only 4-5 word in on breath and in singing tone,and i was not want to communicate in that way but my therapist told me that this is the only way, as a result i become asocial, use to remain in room all the time,and i was dependent over friends for all my daily activity (like hair cutting, buy something).

so gorav things will be fine but only if we work continuously on right direction

In these type of phase best thing is to avoid comparison...i know this is next to impossible but we can do this if we apply vipassana in our daily life,you can also try to remain always aware(try to watch any one sensation for whole day)...believe me this doable

keep writing , and keep sharing

Harish Usgaonker said...

Yes, there are such phases in the lives of PWS. And it's so damn tough. I too had this self-hatred. I remember confiding to a friend that all negatives are bestowed on me. Much later I realized that because of this, I was ignoring my strengths and positives. Each one of us have something special- some talent or ability which is unique to us. Only we have to discover it ourselves. Try to discover it.. think what you would like to do... Paint? Poetry? Writing? Singing? Dancing? Do it... and enjoy it...

All the best !