March 27, 2012


I wanted to go but I was also scared because this was my first chance to go out alone. I was worried how to go and how to come back, go by bus or train, how to get the tickets .I was still thinking to go or not and soon it was the last day to register, Anupinder singh called me and as usual I didn’t picked up his phone (moment my mobile phone rings ,it makes me nervous ) instead I gave him a message that I want to go and please register my name and I will call you later .After some time I was thinking to call Anupinder or not suddenly he called me up “satri kal ji kaise ho “ ( Anupinder’s way of greeting is awesome and the way he speaks ‘Ok Ji Gud night ‘ is very melodious n sweet ) and then he told about the whole planning and how to deposit registration fee .I was very scared, worried & was planning a lot for the trip till the last moment.

I called the bus stand to enquire whether there is a direct bus from Yamuna nagar to kalka . I asked the enquiry as usual stuttering that “ is there any direct bus to kalka “ , and the person said “ what are you saying ” , I tried again and asked my question ,this time he understood me and told the answer . I also checked the trains through internet and found that there is no direct train from Yamunanagar to kalka , I will have to first go to Ambala and then there is a direct train from Ambala to Kalka .I decided that first I will go by bus from Yamuna nagar to Ambala and then from Ambala to Kalka by train .But I was still worried how to buy the tickets and to find the place where the bus or train would be (which platform).

Suddenly Anupinder called me and told that there is a direct passenger train from Yamuna nagar to Rajpura . Anupinder was coming on bike from Patiala and Rajpura comes in the way to kalka . I checked the train and told him that I will be coming to Rajpura and from there we will be going to kalka on bike .

I told my father about my plan and he told me that “Are you mad , why are you going through the long route “ ( going to kalka via rajpura rather than via Ambala is a long route) I don’t know what to say and told him “ nothing just like that”. My father told me ok but keep a blank paper and a pen with you which I had kept them already in my jeans pocket & kept them both until I was back home.

I went to the railway station next morning , my father bought my tickets for Rajpura from the railway ticket counter and left for Rajpura . Reaching Rajpura railway station I called Anupinder and he told me that he will be there in 5 minnutes . I had seen Anupinder’s video on Tisa’s Blog , I thought I will recognize him very easily but many Sikh guys were coming on bike with beard and turban everyone was looking like Anupinder .I was really confused which one is Anupinder , soon a guy came on bike & started looking here and there , soon he took out his mobile from pocket to call I suppose . I thought surely he is Anupinder and waved my hand to him. He similed and then we greeted each other and then we went to Kalka on bike.

Reaching the railway station I met other four stammerers (Umeesh , Jatinder , Sourabh gupta & Amit khushwah ) .I had met umeesh in the national conference but other 3 were new to me . I introduced myself to all of them .Anupinder told that Dhruv kathuria & Jai Prakash are late and they are not getting the vehicle to reach the railway station so Anupinder left immediately to pick them up on his bike .Departure time of the train was 12:10 pm . Now it was 12:05 pm . Anupinder , Dhruv & Jai Prakash had not come yet , all were worried . I told them that don’t worry I am having the train tickets we will sure board the train & enjoy the trip, we laughed together . One of them told that today scene of the movie D D L J (in which Kajol was trying to catch the train ) will be repeated & again we laughed. Soon we saw Anupinder , Dhruv & Jai Prakash running like anything in order to catch the train which was about to depart . Finally we all were able to catch the train in just time .

This was my first experience of toy train. Toy train was very narrow train with only 5 compartments unlike the ordinary trains. I suppose there were only 30 seats in each compartments .I had heard that speed of the train is very slow that you can go down the train and then catch it very easily but it’s not like that now the trains speed is pretty good . The view from the train is very beautiful. So many valleys and tunnels comes in the way .If you stand at the door of the compartment you really feel like you are flying in the sky ,fresh cold breeze , mountains really awesome . One must travel through this train once in a life . As the train passes the tunnel people starts whistling and hooting and I hooted too but couldn’t whistle as I don’t know how to whistle ( if anybody knows please let me know ) .In the train we had introduction round and played many games .The train journey was really amazing and enjoying .

We reached Shimla in the evening by 5:30 pm . Dhruv’s father had booked rooms in a guest house (thanks to uncle , the rooms were really good and cheap ) we reached there by 7:30 .Then we had our dinner and then played 3 rounds of BLUFF (card’s game) in the night (Anupinder never used to show/check the cards and Dhruva used to frequently check the cards of other players ) and after that we all went to sleep.

In the morning we went to INDAIN INSTITUTE OF ADVANCE SCEINCE there we saw the old building and the table where partition papers between India and Pakistan were made .There we met another stammerer Vinod chauhan who had come from solan . Then we went for ‘kufri ‘ .After returning from kufri we went to mall road in the evening and then went to our guest house on bus.In the bus one peson used to take tickets of all the participants , suddenly Umesh told that each one of us will take the ticket on his own .I got very scared , what if I fail to say the name “KHALINI “ I tried to speak the first alphabet ‘Kh’ but no sound was coming (there was a lot of rush in the bus hence I cannot write the name of the place on a piece of paper , very difficult to even get the pen or page out of your pocket and also the light was very low , conductor may not be able to read the page) but the plan was changed and Jatinder was asked to take the tickets of all the participants . After that we had dinner in the guest house and then had a thorough discussion on various topics .

Jai Prakash told that Gorav(me) has changed a lot , he was very shy in the national conference but look now .Yes in the national conference I was very shy and upset because knowning that everyone is just like me even then I was not able to interact with other , there was a lot of hesitation in me , I was not able to express myself even in front of the other stammerers ( except few like Mohit kumar , LALIT PANDEY- my room partner at BHUBNESHWAR). I can see clearly now there is a noticeable improvement in me.Now I am able to express myself more to my relatives or known people or PWS . All the credits go to my HERBUTPUR Self Help Group especially Dr sachin .I was asking a lot of questions which were coming to my mind while the discussion was going on. Soon Jai Prakash told that now he will be charging money for asking question from him. Really Jai Prakash is very nice being , despite he was tired he was answering to my questions till late night . Jai Prakash is very helpful, cooperative and I appreciate his work and true efforts.

Next morning after having the breakfast we left the guest house for the Shimla railway station .We were going back to kalka from the same heritage Shimla toy train .Again it was an amazing journey . we played BLUFF cards in the train . A young girl was sitting in our group. Jai parakash told her that we all are stutters and belong to an NGO called TISA , we all had come from different places to Shimla to attend a get together , few are from Chandigarh , one is from Yamuna nagar , one is from MP ,few are from Delhi .She told that her family was at Jagadhri (place adjacent to Yamuna nagar) . I was listening to their conversation ,on hearing her last statement I got scared ,that she should not ask about the one from Yamuna nagar (which was me ). But she immediately asked Jai Prakash that who is from Yamuna nagar .I started looking somewhere else pretending that I was not listeing to their conversation .But J P sunda immediately pointed at me and said he is from Yamuna nagar. I was nervous ( I am very scared of girls )but somehow I told yes I am the one with a smile on my face . I thought that I knew her , maybe she was my junior at my Sacred heart convent sr. sec school . But how to ask, how to stammer I front of a young girl and I didn’t ask her about that (HIDING).

We reached Kalka railway station at 4 pm. we all said good bye to each other. Umesh told me that a passenger train is standing at the platform and gorav why don't you ask at enquiry that if this train goes to jagadhri railway station also. I said no I will go with Anupinder because my train is from rajpura at 6:40 pm.Actually I don't want to go to the enquiry and enquire for the train. Then I left the railway station with Anupinder . Anupineder droped my at Rajpura Railway staion at 6:15 pm and my train was at 6:40 pm I suppose. Instead of asking about my train I checked the list of trains which were about of coming, but there was no name of train in which I booked my ticket (online).I looked around and saw a there was a machine with a touch screen on which you can enquire by typing your pnr no. or train no. i tried it but it was not working properly so now I had to enquire about my train at railway enquiry. I stood at the window and tried to speak but was so scared that no word was coming out and the thing which increased my hesitation that a “mike” was also there. After standing at the window for about a minute like a dumb I move away from the window and stared to worry that if I don't ask then how will I reach my home but the question is how to speak. I finally wrote the name of the train along with its no. on a piece of paper and told the enquiry person to take my paper and kindly read it .He told the train will come tomorrow around 6:45 am .I wondered how come tomorrow I had booked the tickets for today evening , I checked my e- tickets again and found that the train time was at 6:40 ( no am or pm was written) and I immediately understood the whole thing that 6:40 means in the morning and 6:40 in the evening would be 18:40 . Now I was more scared because now how to go back to my home. Whether I should call my father or anupinder and seek their help. I was wondering here and there near the enquiry window try to relax myself and then went to the window, I wanted to say that is there any train to jagadhri , but jagdhri was not coming out so I enquired about ambala (I was even struggling on this word too but somehow I could say) ambala comes in the way to jagadhri .I again asked him and atalast was able to say the word jagadhri somehow . He replied that there is no train to jagadhri .Then I again enquired then how can I go to jagadhri , other people near me who could hear my voice were giving a starange look to me .He told that there is no direct train to jagadhri you will have to go to ambala first . And there is a passenger train which is just about to come .I immediately went to the ticket counter and started to speak –again no sound came , I wrote AMBALA on paper and purchased the ticket .

On reaching the ambala railway station, again the same story go and ask for jagadhri on enquiry window ,at window there was a mike and a loud speaker one who enquires ,his voice can be heard by people within 15-20 meter. I was very scared and full of fear so i left the railway station and went to bus stand (I know where the bus stand was , no need to ask any one ) and wrote the ‘yamuna nagar’ on piece of paper and get on the bus of Yamuna nagar .when the conductor was coming there was no fear even if I fail to speak I can show the paper , when he reached me the alpha ‘ya’ of Yamuna nagar was not coming , I swiftly said ‘jamuna nagar’ instead of Yamuna nagar and reached my home safely .

*--There is a lot to be improved in me .Still hiding is residing in me. Replacing of the words .No word coming out and may be due to lack of practice it is still difficult for me to bounce and prolong. I run from the fearful situation, some time I even cry like a child.I will keep on trying and working .


sachin said...

One day- all this will be HISTORY and you will be quite impressed with yourself.. Till then, you must brace yourself and work many others who have walked this path, before you..

Dinesh said...

I enjoyed the read. Good work. Best is yet to come and it will come!

Anupinder Singh said...

very good write-up gorav....u make full flash-back of whole trip...keep it up bro...

sachin said...

I really would have enjoyed seeing Anupinder, Dhruva and JP running to catch the departing train..:-)

On another note, if all this can happen just by traveling around, I would say- TRAVELING IS THE BEST THERAPY FOR A PWS!
Guys and Girls, please go for it! Conquer your fear, hone your problem solving skills, meet "perfect strangers", see new places, check out new dishes..
TISA should organize such outings REGULARLY..

Mohit kumar said...

Awesome gorav, this was your one of the best blog ever.You write so well that i imagine how you guys enjoyed your trip.I like your few phrases like "explaining about toy trains, your clear fear at inquiry counter,hiding from young girl".
haha it was just amazing.You are a Fearless boy,i know you can defeat your stuttering very soon.
Keep sharing your panic movement.

Jitender Gupta Pratham said...

thanks for sharing your shimla experience. एक कहावत है "नदी पर बांध लगाने से वह और चढ़ती है " इसी प्रकार हम अपनी समस्याओं को जितना छुपातें वह उतना ही बढती जाती है इसलिए हम सबको मुश्किलों का सामना करना सीखना होगा.

J P Sunda said...

I sometimes feel that I know EVRYTHING what a person who stammers may be going through. But your post has completely surprised me. I didn't know you had so many things bothering you. Just brought back so many of my memories from teenage.

There is no therapy like travelling with a bunch of cool people who stammer :-)

abhishek said...

One famous saying for you my friend: "Girte hein ghursawaar hi
Maidaan-e-jung me
Woh kya KHAK girnge
Jo ghutno ke bal chala karte hein"
keep trying:)