January 11, 2012

Cure Your Fear


I always find myself complaining that no matter what I do,my fear always tends to overpower me in a speaking situation and I start substituting and avoiding words.No matter how much meditation,how much blogging I do,this fear never tends to go.

Today,I found my answer !!!!!!

I was reading a book by a very famous motivator Dr.Schwartz in which he so rightly says:-"The biggest cure of fear is ACTION".
Let me give you an example.I went to Rishikesh last to last year to do water-rafting.In between we all had to jump from a high cliff.Now I had 2 very different friends with me.The first one (lets call him A) just climbed the cliff,not once looked down and jumped.Just like that.I actually thought at that moment that it was damn too easy.But then my other friend (lets call him B),went towards the cliff,he just stood there for a minute,just lost into God knows what thoughts.That 1 minute of thinking cost him the jump.No matter how much we motivated him to jump,he just couldnt,and its not like he was trying,he was putting in every bit of strength he had in him,to jump but just couldnt.Each of us jumped 3 times but he just stood there.And till date he repents that he couldnt enjoy the thrill of that jump.

Thats precisely what happens to the majority of us in everyday life.Just before we are faced with a speaking situation,instead of just speaking out,we start weighing the  possible pros and cons our less than perfect speech might have.And once we have these thoughts its GAME OVER.Then we spend the rest of the day,drenched in self-pity and feeling both sorry and agitated at ourselves.

Even during the national conference,we had to introduce ourselves many times.The times when I spoke when someone asked me to were the times when  so much fear used to accumulate inside of me,that I thought I was going to faint but once I just rose my hand when introduction started without thinking twice and it was the best feeling ever,I stuttered less but more importantly,I didnt let any fear to accumulate inside of me and it was the greatest feeling.It felt so light.

In the example I gave before,it wasnt the jump that was difficult but it was the wait for the jump that was excruciating. Mr A acted and just jumped and hence didnt allow any fear to overpower him and we all know what happened to Mr B.

Similarly,its not the actual speech which is difficult but its the fear of stuttering that does the most of the damage.We all know that the longer we postpone talking to someone,the more difficult it becomes.

As Dr Schwartz puts it "Use actions to gain confidence and cure fear. Action feeds and strengthens confidence,inaction in all forms feeds fear.To fight fear-act.To increase fear-wait,put-off and postpone."

So the next time you are faced with a difficult speaking situation,just stand up and speak without thinking twice.Stop waiting for the time when everything would be perfect and just speak up.Because no matter how much deep breathing you do,no matter how much affirmations you say,without action-you cant cure fear.Its the hard hitting truth,the sooner you realize it,the further in life you will go.

www.mystammer.blogspot.com

12 comments:

PP...Pramendra said...

Superb!! Dhruva, as usual you are spot on. This is a very simple and very very important fact we aren't able to understand. Wonderfully explained, Thanks.

Er. Umesh 9068322345 said...

Perfect!! Cure of fear can't be explained better than this. Great write up. Keep the spirit up!

sachin said...

Another way of saying the same would be: TAKE INITIATIVE!
The initiative could be about - going to SHG meeting, Communication workshop, NC or the BD party of someone you met recently.. All very uncomfortable things. But if you can take the first step, rest comes easy..
Many of us "live in head" too much.. Time to change!

Sikander said...

Very good Dhruva. There is a motivational TV Ad "Dar ke aage Jeet Hai". The fear of stammering is more scary than the stammering and we really have to overcome our fear. If you have fear of water, you can only overcome the fear when you encounter it and go into water. Just standing at the Swimming pool, I do not think, we are not going to get rid of fear and learn swimming. There is very good proverb :Face the fear on the face of it. I myself experimented and found the result. Before speaking my mind creates so much fear in me but I try to control it by saying so what if I stammer. When I entertain the fear, it is going to create problem for me. I usually use "So What" attitute as my strength and it really keeps the fear away from me. Once again, thanks for sharing such a wonderful and motivational tought with us. Keep writing.

Manimaran said...

Great post Dhruva! As Umash rightly said it could not be explained simpler than this.

Harish Usgaonker said...

Wonderfully explained with an appropriate analogy! Dhruva, with every post of yours you educate us with something to ponder on... As you rightly say it in this post, to cure fear, just do the thing that you are scared of. Another ad caption that says it well- "Just do it..."

lalit said...

nice dhruva....u explained very well ki dar ke aage jeet hai....

romi said...

Well Dhruva very Rightly said and yes we should always take the first step.Its the first step that needs courage so we should be strong enough to take the first step and motivate ourself in every situation.
"Daar ke aage jeet hai".

Rockford said...

Awesome one...

Sumeet said...

Very Nice one buddy,beautifully written and explained

pb said...

there is a "speak the right thing" attitude about you my friend. carry it along . its not easy but its the only way

Dhruva Kathuria said...

Thanx all,I really appreciate your comments :-)