November 15, 2011

Un-official FAQ for NC


A young reader has send us this FAQ. Hesays that TISA is not able to answer REAL questions in a way that isunderstood by common people. Therefore, he took the trouble ofdeveloping this FAQ. TISA takes no responsibility and apologizes inadvance if it offends some.

FAQ by a young reader

1. How will conference benefit me? ME,not TISA?
You will meet many stammerers just likeyou. So far you have grown up thinking that only YOU talk funny, thatonly YOU are weird.. When you meet room full of weirdos, your Farakkadam of pent up feelings will burst: you will stammer like hell, youwill laugh and cry like a Bollywood starlet, but you will have aRELEASE lasting for a long long time..


2. I have been to many CURE centers inIndia. I even went to Australia. I am still stammering. What goodthis conference is going to do for me?
This conference will put an END to yoursearch for CURE and blowing up your Dad's (well?) gotten money likeDeewali patakhas. You will discover that stammering is not a diseasefor which you must seek cure. You will realise that like everyoneelse, you just need to communicate better. Hey, come on, stammeringis only stammering- not AIDS. Even people with AIDS are doing somevery cool things.. Check this and learn something from these toughguys:

3. Will I get a chance to speak in theconference?
NO. Absolutely not. The whole world isagainst you. TISA included. We all have ganged up on you!! Come onman- what do you think? After you have paid Rs 1000, who can stopyou? Only thing- you must stammer. Otherwise no.

4. If I bring my family, they will justget bored. They dont stammer, what will they do in the conference?
Dude, I know your family better thanyou do. You see, they have been wanting for a long long time, to knowwhy you sometime act funny, why you sometime freeze mid-sentence, asif you had seen a ghost etc. etc. But they have been waiting for theright opportunity. In fact, TISA will organize a separate session forthem and believe me, they will have lot of fun- more than you!

5. I would have come, had you invitedsomeone like Mr XYZ, of that famous ABC cure center. What good moreand more knowledge is going to do?
Have you heard: AIDS ka gyan, bachayeJaan. ? No? Okay – run out side in the street (yes, as you are) andreturn when you see this common wall writing somewhere.
So what does it mean? It means,Conditions for which there is no CURE, knowledge about them is yourbest friend and safeguard. As to inviting this or that therapist-well - you are the only therapist who can cure yourself. And we haveinvited you umpteen times. Are YOU coming or not?

6. I would rather be with my family andfriends over the new year..
That is fine. But are you SURE thatthey would rather be with you on the new year's eve? Well, no offensemeant- but chances are you will be with family only physically, likea well dressed mannequin! If they ask you to sing, dance for them orshare a joke, will you oblige them? Will you keep away from yourlatest fancy gadgets, your blackberry, your fancy tablet, and givethem your full attention for just one hour? If I know you well, youwill keep googling for stammering cure and visit TISA blog forupdates and videos of the conference.. Tell me I am WRONG and I willgive you a free ticket to Bhubaneshwar!

7. I am very busy in my work/ studies.I cant come.
Are you so busy that you wont go outfor a beer on 31st evening with the gang- and sleep lateon 1st Jan? Yes, you should work very hard from 30thDec to 1st Jan, if you have been cutting capers throughout the year. But if you have worked/ studied through out the year,getting the leave should not be difficult.

8. I have not spoken to my manager forthe leave. He likes my work. I might spoil my impression on him. Anappraisal is round the corner.
Everything has a “First time”.Sooner the better. (Turant Daan, Maha Kalyan) Suppose you keep quiet,never let your manager know that you stammer and get that overseasassignment! Suppose, once in France, you get that nice bout ofstammering and the client phones your boss: What kind of guy have yousent us? He STAMMERS! Cant understand a single word..”
What will you do then? Why put youfears in a recurring Fixed deposit?
Break into that FD or aish kar lo, agarmera kaha mano to- warna French seekhna shuru kar do.. Est-ce quec'est clair ?

9. I was planning to come but there isno celebrity invited, so I cooled off.
Hey, do you think celebrity will cometo meet just 16 pws ! TISA did invite KKKKatrina, but her secretarysaid: she comes only if the registration is 1000+. Can you guaranteethat? Do you think she will come and tell you how to speak in amedium lengthening style while hopping on one leg? if you just wantto see her dance, just go to youtube- TISA has just posted her latestvideo at their channel: http://www.youtube.com/satksri

10. Why did not TISA invite Ritik? Iwould have come, if you had invited him..
Of course he is coming. Yes, he hasregistered and is coming from Jhumari Talayya. This Ritik has been intouch with TISA for last six months and can do all the Ritiknumbers..and has 6 pack abs too. Okay, you wanted that other Ritik totell us how he overcame his issues? But do you really think hismethod will help you overcome YOUR issues? Really? Come on, dont makeme change my opinion that stammerers are intelligent people.

11. So what is the big thing about theconference?
Aha, full marks to you for asking anintelligent question! The big things: A). Professor Mahapatra willgive the keynote address on “Role of Self help in stammering”. B). Dr Alok Roy, Chairman, Medica Synergie group of Health carecompanies will give a talk on “Innovations in service delivery andself help for stammering”. C) A SLP will share about indirect/Direct (Lidcombe) therapy for children who stammer. D) Apresentation on what causes stammering? By sachin; plus many morefrom audience on the theme of self help. Everyone will get a chanceto grab the microphone.. E) a jamming evening on 31stnight. Let us see if you can dance like Ritik.. F) Sight seeing on2nd Jan to Puri, Konark etc. G)Informal sessions on theside lines, where Anuj will tell you about the latest technique:Vocal cord management.. Umesh will tell you how to crack interviews..Sikander will give you acting lessons.. Parmendra will tell you howto “sell” yourself.. and much more.

12. I am a girl. I am afraid, I will bethe only girl in this conference..
Wow. What more could you ask for? Youwill have no competition! Everyone will listen very thoughtfullywhenever you would talk..You will be like a VIP. An authority onwomen's experience of stammering! I wish I was a girl and stammered..
You could speak on “Genderdifferentials in Fluency disorders, leading to significant &deviant academic outcomes in an industrialized urban community..”etc. etc. Get in touch with our own Dr Akash Acharya, to help youprepare on this theme..
Okay- to be honest, TISA is trying andhopeful to have some women participants. I myself have told all thegirls in my college (-spoke to many for the first time-), and leftmessages at women's groups on yahoo and elsewhere. We sincerelybelieve that no conference is complete without women's participation.

13. I am from Hariyana. Dont understanda word of English. So what is the point?
Arrey, tu Hindi to samjhey ke nasamjhey? Jab mai tere se bolla ki sari gall-baat Hindi me howegi, totu aise sawal kyu poochhey bar bar.. arrey tujhey kitni bar samjhauki ham log Hindi me kam haklawe hai, isi liye bat chit to Hindi me hihogi na? Samjhaa? Ya wahi aa ke samjhau terre ko?

14 I cant commit now. Cant I come justlike that?
Okay. You are the 69th guywho said that. Suppose, I say yes, okay. Then, all these 69 peoplewill NOT register and MAY drop in suddenly on any day of the NC. Andask organizers: where can we stay? Suppose the organizers say: wellwe arranged only for the 40 who registered. We dont know how to helpyou, sorry...
Imagine the confusion then: 69stammerers, who dont speak Oriya, the local language, running aroundthe whole city.. This might create law & order situation!
Wont it be easier to make up your mindnow and help TISA plan properly?

15 I am a SLP. I want to come.
Okay, you may if you promise that youwont start: “We are the only center which makes CURE possible inIndia” and start seeking clients and selling your wares. You have plenty of opportunitiesfor doing it elsewhere. This event is to promote self-help. If youcome, you come as a student and learn from people who stammer.

6 comments:

Er. Umesh 9068322345 said...

Very good replies Sachin sir, according to mind of ours(stammers). Hope now all the doubts and things will be cleared about NC as of mine!

Harish Usgaonker said...

A great FAQ with witty and creative answers. I hope that clears all the doubts and motivates a few more to register to the NC.

Manimaran said...

Dr.Sachin,
Really a very meaningful, doubt clearing, easily understandable in simple language with fun for FAQ. An eye opener for all the PWS. After reading this FAQ, defiantly new 25+ PWS will attend for the NC. ell done Sachin.

sachin said...

Dear Mani, Umesh and Harish- the credit goes to the young IPWS who sent me the FAQ. I will pass it on to him.. May be encouraged, he might send me more FAQs :-)
sachin

Er. Umesh 9068322345 said...

I have booked my tickets.
Departure-12282,BBS DURUNTO EXP,PNR-222-7938834
Arrival-12801, Purusttam Exp, PNR-620-3251099

Sumeet said...

same here doronto express, wid mom and dad