While watching any portrayal of pws in movies , tv shows or in advertisements, I always got the feeling that someone is trying to get under my skin. I thought that I have to confront others about my stuttering and I was uncomfortable with others. Many recent films and tv shows have shown pws in authentic ways be it Oscar winning movie " The king’s speech" or "Nescafe advertisement". Both have shown that a stutterer can achieve his goals regardless of the stigma attached to it. But have it done any good to me. Of course that had raised some awareness in normal people, but still why I feel shame and guilt about my condition. Despite reading articles on concept of acceptance and by applying also it in real life circumstances, why I am not comfortable in seeing a person stammering on screen. Finally “It” happened.
Recently I went to watch the acclaimed Hollywood horror movie “It” with my colleague. It had its protagonist stuttering. I thought here we go again. I had expected a few laughs or getting an empathetic response from my fellow audience members. Halfway through the movie no one laughed or felt sad for our hero instead he was the one who was leading the fight against the eponymous monster .While audience were engrossed in watching the movie my colleague said to me hey that kid is brave dude. That’s when it hit me. The audiences were seeing the stammering as other personality traits of the character, but it was me who was getting uncomfortable. May be in real life also people view our stammering as just another attribute that we possess. All the way along it was me who was being self conscious.
I realized that I identified myself as a stutterer first and also in real life talking situations before speaking I still sometimes think of what I am going to say, so I can run away from any further embarrassment. But to other people I am still the real me who is yet to be discovered by myself.
P.S :[NOT MY WORDS] World was never interested in our stammering. It is we ourselves who had made it into an outsized super-important aspect of our lives. And then, continued to blame the world and believe that: I will be OK only when the world has changed.
But the fact is - WORLD is only our own reflection in the mirror.